SEED Monthly
by mumyou nanashi
Summary: The events from Gundam SEED from the impartial eyes of a humble reporter... yeah, right. Gundam SEED in newspaper form. [check out the covers for issues 3 and 6 from MapleRose!]
1. Volume 1 Issue 1

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Gundam SEED. Any similarities that this fic might have to _anything_ are purely coincidental.

**SEED WEEKLY**

**Volume 1 Issue 1**

**Message from the Editor**

**WELCOME TO TODAY'S NEWEST, HOTTEST, HIPPEST AND EVERYTHING ELSE IN BETWEEN 'ZINE!**

Welcome to the first ever issue of **SEED WEEKLY**! I am the editor-in-chief! Well, what can you expect from this magazine?

From this day forth, we will provide you with up-to-date news, amazing and enlightening features, revolutionary columns and many more! This is the only common thing between Coordinators and Naturals! We are not affiliated with the EA or ZAFT (we're completely neutral) so you can expect only the best and unbiased views on the world (and space!) around us.

Our news reporters are very efficient in their field, fearless, and reliable, regardless of their genetic type! But don't think that just because we have the best staff, we won't be needing contributions from YOU, our dear readers! We're planning to have a Fanfic Review Column by Orga Sabnak. If you want your fics to be reviewed, just inform us!

So, please read on! And don't forget to leave your comments and suggestions!

**NEWS**

**-**

**Heliopolis, attacked by Coordinators**

**By Orga Sabnak**

Heliopolis, a resource satellite sponsored by the neutral nation of Orb, was attacked 2 days ago by ZAFT soldiers.

What started out as an ordinary day, soon ended in destruction as ZAFT soldiers infiltrated Heliopolis and caused damage and demolition. The survivors stated firmly that they were just minding their own business when several explosions were heard and they were instructed to enter the shelters. They DID NOT, however, see any Earth Alliance's military secrets and officers, contrary to the speculations.

"Why, I was just on my way back to my office/lab after getting some chow when it happened. I just hope my students got out in time, especially Kira. Who'd I boss around if gets killed?" Professor Kato, a member of the faculty of a technical college in Heliopolis stated.

The escape pods were ordered to launch after Heliopolis' walls were hit by a missile. Unfortunately, it appears that several college students had gone missing prior to the incident. Kira Yamato, Miriallia Haww, Tolle Koenig, Ssigh Argyle and Kuzzey Buskirk, all 16 years of age. Their parents have filed for 'missing person' reports but Orb officials presume them to be dead or if they were lucky, had managed to catch up with the missing escape pod (which reports say had malfunctioned and may be floating helplessly in space).

Many of the survivors complained that the shelters were smelly and full of irritating children. Some complained that some escape pods required modification of its OS. "Don't tell me that the nation of Orb has been running on an old OS?" a survivor, who wishes to remain anonymous, burst out angrily. The Chief Representative of Orb is currently unavailable for comment.

The reason for the attack is still currently unknown but the Earth Alliance is positive that the GAT-X series of the mobile suits and the Atlantic Federation's newest warship, the Archangel, were NOT the cause of the surprise attack. Coordinators just proved themselves that they are the scum of earth.

-

**ARTEMIS EXPLODES**

**By Shani Andras**

Following the destruction of the resource satellite Heliopolis, the Eurasian Federation suffered a huge blow by the obliteration of their military base, the Artemis.

Artemis, which was thought to be impenetrable because of its shield barrier, exploded into bits and pieces by means of a mobile suit equipped with Mirage Colloid. The barrier, more commonly known as the Umbrella of Artemis, is turned off when there are no enemy forces within close range. The MS with the Mirage Colloid was not detected and was able to enter Artemis effortlessly and had managed to destroy the shield, thus making the base vulnerable to attacks.

A high-ranking officer released this statement several hours ago. "Erm, well, as you can see, we are currently headquartered-less. I'm afraid that we have underestimated the abilities of the ZAFT forces… But you can't blame us! It's all the fault of that stinking warship, the Archangel! Blast it!"

The crew of the Archangel was unavailable for comment. Sources say that they are heading to meet with the 8th fleet. Another high-ranking officer of the Eurasian Federation has this to say, "You all should go to hell! Damn you! If I were Admiral Halberton, I'd stay clear of that blasted ship's path! They're a bloody floating jinx! Never mind ghost ships! The Archangel's definitely cursed!"

-

**BLIND PRIEST RALLIES FOR PEACE**

**By Crot Buer**

Blind priest, Reverend Malchio, was seen yesterday waving pennants for peace during the press conference regarding the destruction of Artemis.

Rev. Malchio was heard uttering this statement: "Brothers and sisters, now is not the time for war, but for all of us to hold hands and strive for peace. We must not let hatred rule our hearts. We are one and the same. We are all human beings!"

It would have been a moving speech if he was not talking to the wall. The Earth Alliance officials, after recovering from fits of hilarious laughter, countered, "The war that we are fighting for is inevitable. One must die at the hands of the other for neither can live while the other one survives."

The priest revealed his plans of peace all of which sounded impossible and rubbish. Readers might remember that Rev. Malchio was once involved in the smuggling of pirated CD's of pop idol Lacus Clyne.

-

**LACUS CLYNE, MISSING!**

**By Asagi Caldwell**

Lacus Clyne, daughter of PLANT Supreme Council Chairman, Siegel Clyne, was reported missing yesterday.

Miss Clyne was said to have launched into space prior to the preparations for the first year anniversary of the Bloody Valentine Tragedy. She was aboard the _Silverwind_ to survey the remains of Junius Seven and, probably, to film a music video. The ship vanished from radar detection and is speculated to have been damaged by floating debris.

Meanwhile, Athrun Zala, Miss Clyne's fiancé, was withdrawn from his mission of chasing the legged ship, the Archangel, to find Miss Clyne. Rau Le Creuset, Mr. Zala's superior, has this to say, "Well, it is only proper for Athrun to come to Miss Clyne's rescue. He has been relieved of his (sneer)…obligations…for the mean time."

**ADVERSTISEMENTS**

-

WANTED: New Crew for a warship. Excellent benefits and funeral plans. Mindless pawns a must. Kids need not apply. Contact Lt. Natarle Badgiruel at the Archangel, ASAP.

-

We are in need of a rich benefactor. Anyone will do, so long as s/he's loaded. Send your bios to Sahib Ashman, Desert Dawn HQ, Tassil.

-

MISSING: FLAY ALLSTER, 15 years old, red hair, slate-gray eyes. Last seen boarding an automatic car in Heliopolis. Reward of 1,000,000 Earth Dollars to anyone who could give information of her whereabouts. Contact Vice-Minister George Allster of the Advance Fleet.

-

Does your military equipment date as far back as the 20th century? Are you trailing far, far behind your enemies' mobile suit technology? What about your warships? Do they explode as easily as cheap cars in the movies? Worry not! Morgenroete Inc. specializes in these types of predicaments! Drop by our office at Onogoro Island in the Orb Union or at Heliopolis!

-

Are you fond of drinking coffee? Are you willing to try out different kinds of coffee? If you answered yes to both questions, then the Desert Tiger needs YOU! Earn easy bucks by being a coffee taste tester. Apply in person at the Lesseps, just outside Tassil. Look for Andrew Waltfeld.

-

YOUR PLANET NEEDS YOU! The OMNI Forces is in need of three young, able-bodied pilots. Must be able to follow orders and willing to take drugs. Must be NATURALS who hate Coordinators. Send your bio data to Murata Azrael, Atlantic Federation.

**FEATURE**

**-**

**HOW TO SURVIVE MILITARY LIFE**

**By Murrue Ramius**

Okay, first of all, the whole title was supposed to be "How to Survive Military Life in the Presence of Mindless Vice-Captains, Hentai Commanders, Spineless Wimps, Lovey-Dovey Couples, Jealous Glass-man, Slutty Girlfriends and Hesitant Pilots", but it wouldn't fit so I compressed it, you know, to, uh, make it fit.

Many of you may NOT know that I (along with the remaining crew of the, um, a nameless warship) are currently playing hosts to a couple of teenage brats. I am the gorgeous Captain of the, um, nameless warship and we were currently on our way to a not-so-significant mission when we ran into these teenage brats. Seeing as I had no other choice, I let them come along so that they could add a little spice to their worthless existence. Of course, the fact that we were currently running short on crewmen and the like had NOTHING to do with this.

Okay, I was only made Captain because our previous captain died. But anyway! Aside from dealing with these teenage brats, I had to deal with the Mindless Vice-Captain and the Hentai Commander, too! Well, the Hentai Commander's not that bad, he's actually good-looking… but the Mindless Vice-Captain is a different story. She spends her time going against me and questioning my orders. The teenage brats! Well, they're pretty self-explanatory. The Spineless Wimp does nothing but complain and complain and complain! The Lovey-Dovey Couple are so affectionate towards each other to the point of cheesy-ness! The Jealous Glass-man, well, is he even there? Who was he again? I forgot. The Hesitant Pilot gets on my nerves the most! I mean, come on! When's he gonna realize that we need him to save our helpless butts out here? Good thing the Slutty Girlfriend whipped him up pretty good.

After the brief explanation of my current predicament, I would like to state step number one in surviving military life in the presence of this loons: ASPIRINS.

A – sk for

S – pecial and

P – roper

I – ncentives

R – egarding

I – ncompetent and

N – umbskull

S – ubordinates

It's pretty self-explanatory, don't you think? Now, the first thing I'm going to do when I meet up with my superiors is to ask for a raise. So, that's STEP 1. Remember: ASPIRINS!

And read the next issue for STEP 2!

**-**

**DEAR FLAY**

**This is a no-nonsense, straight-to-the-point advice column by Flay Allster**

Dear Flay,

I'm an ace pilot from the (EA), er, I mean, from nowhere. I'm just an ace pilot, okay? Well, I met this girl, she's the captain, see? I _think_ I like her. And she likes me. No doubt about that. I mean, what's there to _NOT_ like about me? I'm a hunkalicious blond! But the thing is, the vice-captain likes me, too. I know that I gotta choose sooner or later between them. I really, really, REALLY! want to choose the Captain but I'm afraid it'll cause more tension between her and the vice-captain. They're currently fighting over the ship and I don't want to add to their problems. Well, what do I do? The Captain's really gorgeous with boobs as big as Olympus Mons and wait 'til you see 'em bounce when the ship rocks! Well, I suppose Vice-Captain's kinda pretty, too. If you go for the flat-chested, guy-looking type. Can you answer this ASAP? Okay, thanks!

-à Hawkie

Dear Hawkie,

It's clear to me who you should choose. The Captain, of course! How can you even _think_ about the Vice-Captain? Hooking up with the Captain would possibly be the greatest move to boost your career! An ace pilot? Pft. You get a lot of those nowadays, and believe me; it does nothing to extend your life here on earth…or in space, whichever. If you get together with the captain, think of the benefits! She won't send you to all those dangerous missions, you get the most honking pad in the ship, you get a raise, you have control over the most powerful person in the ship…the possibilities are endless! About the 'tension' between the Captain and the Vice-Captain. Who cares? I don't! And you shouldn't either. It's every man for himself out here, buster!

Hope I solved your dilemma!

Love,

Flay

PS. Could you lessen all those arrogant comments? It looks a tad bit conceited, and that kind of image does not work for everyone!

-

Dear Flay,

Just call me, uh, Aegis. See, I have this friend, uh, Strike. But I'm not so sure if he's still my friend. We met on the moon when we were 5 years old. We became the best of friends. We were always together! We spent detention together, we always cleaned the bathrooms together, we were always in the principal's office together… we were that close. But well, I had to go back to my homeland and we got separated. Now, he's on the side of the enemy! He should be on our side, but he says he's not on anyone's side; he just wants to protect his friends. Yeah, right. I mean, what kind of dumb excuse is that? And then he turns the tables and implies I'm a liar! He says that I said that I don't like wars. Well, I don't really like war, but what can I do? Turn my back on my own homeland? The nerve of that guy! And to think I was the one who taught him the finer things in life!

Aegis

Dear Aegis,

Your friend seems to have forgotten you already. He wants to protect his friends he says. Well, what are you? A nobody? You're his friend too! And he doesn't want to protect you. Well, if he still won't join your side, kill him! You don't have any use for him, anyways. If that doesn't work, kill his friends! It's their fault that _your_ friend is acting that way. Hope everything turns out okay!

Love,

Flay

**-**

**GOSSIP!**

Hey, everybody! Welcome to the first ever issue of our 'zine! And of course, no magazine would be complete without – duh! - the gossip column! I decided to write it anonymously because of, you know, security reasons. Times are hard as our celebrities go more violent and bloodthirsty!

GOSSIP NUMBER 1: To start it all of, there's a rumor going around that Princess Cagalli Yula Athha is missing! Yes, the Princess of Orb. Well, some say that she was in Heliopolis when it exploded. Still others say that she joined a resistance group in the Middle East. How far-fetched can these stories get? Next thing you know, there will be all sorts of rumors that she joined the Archangel! Hah!

VERDICT: Well, anyway, the Athha House is tight-lipped about the issue, but we know that something _did_ happen to her. She has been absent in the glamour scene, and one source says that she ran away from home! So, it could be PARTLY TRUE!

GOSSIP NUMBER 2: Another major rumor going around is that the reason why Athrun Zala and Lacus Clyne are getting married is because the songstress is pregnant!

VERDICT: I've met Lacus personally and I don't think she's that kind of girl. She seems nice and very conservative. So, I'd say it's FALSE!

GOSSIP NUMBER 3: Tension between Athrun Zala and Yzak Joule, both from the Le Creuset Team, is threatening to split the team apart.

VERDICT: I've already got the views of their commander, and Rau Le Creuset has this to say, "(sneer) Well, there is some truth to that. But it's only normal for a team to have misunderstandings. Joule has always been critical of Zala and that's not new. We're used to it. Certain disputes like this can't possibly break up the team. (smirk) Unless of course they want to face court martial." And I believe the commander of course! He's so cute! What with that little mask and that sneer.

Well, that's just for the first issue. Wait 'till Gundam SEED unravels! I mean, um, there's more to come in the future so stick around!

**-**

**LE CREUSET TEAM, TODAY'S HOTTEST MALE GROUP**

**By Miss Aisha**

What do you get when you put one gorgeous commander and four equally good-looking soldiers? Why, you get the Le Creuset Team! Never mind if they're not in show business! Technically, they _are_ a group! So let's all meet the hunks that make up the Le Creuset Team!

The Commander: Rau Le Creuset. He was awarded the Order of the Nebula, having managed to destroy countless mobile armors and warships. With his blond hair and, uh, mask, his whole calm and mysterious demeanor attract a lot of women. The Subordinates: Athrun Zala, the son of ZAFT Head, Patrick Zala. His blood line is not the only one responsible for his position now. He graduated from ZAFT Military Academy with the highest honors. Dream on, girls! This guy's already taken by none other than Lacus Clyne. Yzak Joule, the son of Rep. Ezaria Joule. He might look feminine but he's definitely (and thankfully) male! He may be hot-headed sometimes, but not everyone goes for the good boy type! Dearka Elthman, the son of Rep. Tad Elthman. This guy's just oozing with charm and self-confidence. You surely won't get bored with this guy around! Nicol Amarfi, the son of Rep. Yuri Amarfi. This classy young lad plays the piano. So all those seeking for the gentle, boy-next-door type, Nicol's for you!

There was one more member of the Le Creuset Team, Rusty Mackenzie. But due to some unfortunate circumstances, he was not able to make it to this interview. We have taken the liberty of avoiding the issue since it is a hard time for all the members.

Aisha: Hello? So! How is space? How was your first mission?

Rau: Well, (sneer) it's alright. It doesn't feel as if we're chasing the legged-ship. We've managed to destroy Heliopolis and blow up the Artemis, all in one week. Only the Archangel left.

Aisha: How about you guys?

Nicol: Actually, not-so-good. I feel like puking. Who'd have thought I'd get space-sick so easily?

Dearka: Yeah, you're greener than your hair!

Yzak: I, on the other hand, haven't experienced a decent sleep ever since I bunked with you guys! Athrun's snores could wake up the dead!

Athrun: Well, at least, _I_ don't have a blankie anymore!

Yzak: What the f-? You knew about that? Shut up!

Rau: You see what I have to put up with? If they weren't the sons of Council members, I'd have abandoned them a long, long time ago. But, oh well (sneer)…

Aisha: Um, moving on… What do you miss most in the PLANTs?

Rau: Gravity. Definitely. Sometimes floating can get dreary, you know.

Dearka: All the pretty girls! I looked around this ship and there are no freakin' girls. What's up with that?

Nicol: Well, (smile) my piano!

Yzak: That's because you don't have a life.

Dearka: What about you, Yzak? Miss your mommy?

Yzak: Shut up!

Athrun: Well, I suppose I miss my tools…I haven't finished my greatest invention yet, you know.

Aisha: You don't miss your fiancée?

Athrun: Huh? Fiancée? Oh, you mean Lacus! Well, I guess I miss her sometimes.

Aisha: A lot of people say that you're the hottest male group nowadays! What can you say to that?

Rau: Well, they are right, obviously. With me as this team's commander, what more could you expect?

Nicol: Really? They're saying that? Wow! I guess we've been up here for too long! That'll boost up the sales of the tickets for my up-coming concert.

Dearka: I can't wait to get home and hit on all the girls!

Yzak: I couldn't care less.

Athrun: Um, well, I don't know how my father will take this. What if he thinks we're doing nothing here?

Aisha: To the 4 guys, how was life before this?

Athrun: We were in ZAFT Military Academy… (shudder) I don't want to think about it anymore…

Yzak: I'm not talking.

Dearka: It was…

Nicol: …

Aisha: Um…Commander? What's wrong with them?

Rau: (sneer) What happens inside the Academy is classified.

Aisha: Okay…Describe your comrades.

Rau: They are all a bunch of teenagers. But I think when the need arises I can count on them to not mess up so much.

Yzak: The commander displays favoritism. Athrun's bossy. Dearka's messy. Nicol's too nice... (turns to his teammates) I dare anyone of you to say I look like a girl.

Dearka: The commander's okay, I guess. I just wished he'd stop sneering all the time. It kinda creeps me out, you know? Athrun and Nicol are way too nice for my tastes. I mean, can't they do something naughty? Yzak's okay. He's my pal.

Athrun: Well, the commander's nice. I wish Yzak and Dearka would listen to me, I'm the unofficial vice-commander! And Nicol's okay, he's the only one who listens!

Nicol: Everybody's nice! I just wish they'd come to my concert. Athrun's the only one who RSVP-ed.

And that concludes our interview with the Le Creuset Team! We're definitely waiting for some developments to the team!

**MESSAGE BOARD**

**-**

To My Dearest Daughter Cagalli

I'm sorry for all the bad things Daddy told you. Come home, sweetheart. Daddy misses you so much.

From your Loving Daddy

-

To the Gutless Pilot of the X-105 Strike

Shi-ne! Sturai-ko!

From Duel

-

To Kira

I'm telling you this for the last time: Join us! Forget your blasted friends! I thought _I _was your friend! Join us if you know what's good for you! We have much high-tech facilities than that legged-ship!

From your best buddy Athrun

-

To the Dashing Pilot of the Duel,

Oh, how I long to hold you in my arms and to run my hands through your straight silver hair. How I long to caress your face and to gaze deeply in your eyes. I hope we get the chance to meet face-to-face.

Your Secret Admirer

-

To the Atlantic Federation

You morons! You're blasted ship just caused our base to be destroyed! You owe us a new base!

From the Eurasian Federation

-

To my Zakie-Baby-Pooh

How are you, my son? I hope you are alright. Are they giving you a hard time over there? Remember to brush your teeth before you sleep. It's a good thing you didn't forget to bring your blankie. Listen to your Commander, okay? I love you. Mwah!

Hugs and Kisses,

Mommy

-

**-------------------------------------**

** SEED Weekly Staff **

** Editor-in-chief: Lazy-authoress **

** News Editor: Ledonir Kisaka **

** Feature Editor: Erika Simmons **

** Writers: Orga Sabnak **

** Shani Andras **

** Crot Buer **

** Asagi Caldwell **

** Juri Wu Nien **

** Mayura Labatt **

** Contributors: Murrue Ramius **

** Flay Allster **

** Miss Aisha **

**-------------------------------------**


	2. Volume 1 Issue 2

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Gundam SEED. Any similarities that this fic might have to _anything_ are purely coincidental.

**SEED WEEKLY**

**Volume 1 Issue 2**

**Message from the Editor**

I sincerely apologize for the delay of this issue. We were having a LOT of trouble contacting our sources for information and we are currently experiencing some technical difficulties. We are presently running short on manpower since several of our staff members were KIA during the skirmish between the Vesalius and the Archangel. Please read the latter portion of this week's issue dedicated to our Gossip columnist who was one of the casualties.

Our Fanfiction Review Section is still not available as not one of our dear readers has expressed their willingness to let their fics be criticized – er – rated by our very own Orga Sabnak.

Lastly, we are still open for contributors. Please don't hesitate to contact me via your reviews. Thank you and we hope you enjoy this week's edition of SEED Weekly!

**NEWS**

**-**

**VICE-MINISTER ALLSTER, KIA**

Vice Minister George Allster was killed in action several days ago. He was with the Advance Fleet who was supposed to rendezvous with the Archangel. The Advance Fleet was completely destroyed by the Le Creuset Team.

Vice-Minister Allster was best known for his principles regarding Coordinators. He is survived by his only daughter, Flay Allster.

Once again, the survivors of Artemis have this to say, "See, we told you to stay away from that ship!"

**-**

**LACUS CLYNE RETURNS**

Famous pop idol, Lacus Clyne, who was reported missing last week, was finally found by none other than her fiancé, Athrun Zala.

"The crew of the Silverwind and I just experienced an engine malfunction. They shoved me into an escape pod. A GINN, that was supposed to rescue me, was shot down by an amateur and stupid pilot from the EA, thinking that I was from their side.

"The Archangel crew was very accommodating. But when things got, er, ugly – when the Le Creuset Team was destroying the Advance Fleet, I mean – someone, a red-haired girl threatened to kill me if they don't leave her daddy's ship alone. But as you can see, there was no harm done. The Archangel returned me safe and sound to Athrun," Miss Clyne narrates.

Athrun Zala, however, was unavailable for comment as he was unable to accompany Miss Clyne home. His father, ZAFT main man Patrick Zala, has released this statement on his behalf, "Athrun regrets that he can't be with Lacus. But he must prioritize to end the war quickly."

**-**

**8th FLEET COMPLETELY WIPED OUT**

The Earth Alliance's 8th fleet was completely annihilated by the Le Creuset Team prior to its meeting with the cursed warship, the Archangel.

The Archangel is best known as the black sheep, I mean black ship - excuse me, pardon the pun – of the Earth Alliance. It has caused a lot of catastrophes prior to its launch.

"How many times have we told our colleagues to stay clear of that accursed ship? But do the listen to us? No! Blood bastards!" a military officer from the Eurasian Federation disclosed.

This publication wonders how the officers of that ship can live with such a heavy burden on their conscience. This publication also hopes that the news articles published about the Archangel serve as a warning to all those who are willing to cast their lots to those jinxes.

**-**

**CIVILIAN SHUTTLE EXPLODES**

A civilian shuttle, full of Heliopolis survivors, was shot down by a ZAFT Mobile Suit prior to the obliteration of the Earth Alliance's 8th fleet. The number of casualties is currently unknown.

The shuttle was about to commence Phase 2 of atmospheric re-entry when it was locked on by the MS. The Orb Union, sponsor nation of Heliopolis, has released this statement: "The whole nation of Orb is grieving for the lives lost in this war. We do not know yet how this civilian shuttle got into the hands of the EA. If the EA thinks that thru this some spark of nationalism will burst out from us, they are clearly mistaken. We do not wish to be involved in the war."

Our sources further state that the Archangel was in the area when the shuttle exploded.

**ADVERTISEMENTS**

**-**

Y.A. Productions presents a once-in-a-lifetime chance to listen to classical music provided by no less than Nicol Amarfi. Listen to him play his amazing piano and relieve the tears of the war all over again. Reserve your tickets now, as this may be the last chance you get to hear him since he'll soon be going on a new mission. For Ticket Reservations, call Yuri Amarfi at 1-800-I-WANT-TO-LISTEN-TO-NICOL-PLAY-THE-PIANO.-BEFORE-HE-GETS-SLICED-IN-HALF

-

Looking for a place to have a nice cup of coffee? Pft. Forget about Starbucks. Here at Andy's Coffee Paradise, you'll have the chance to try out our extensive range of premium coffee and get to meet the Desert Tiger himself! Visit us at the white mansion just beside the Lesseps. Everyone's invited! Even the Desert Dawn! Except for that stinking masked man, Rau Le Creuset!

-

WANTED: Person/s to 'take care' of a 'bloody floating jinx' in the EA. We accept all offers/applicants, whether they hail from ZAFT or from Earth, we don't care, so long as the take care of the job.

**-**

Computer Programmers needed in Orb. Excellent benefits; seven-figure salary. Experience in mecha-building or robotics a must. Apply at an Orb Embassy near you.

-

Need cunning minion. Loyalty a must. Applicants with annoying mask and sneer need not apply. Contact Patrick Zala, December One.

-

Visit Macy's Mask Emporium. We have masks in all shapes and sizes for all your evil needs.

**FEATURE**

**-**

**HOW TO SURVIVE MILITARY LIFE**

**By Murrue Ramius**

Okay...What gives? I ask for a raise and my superiors blow up on me. And what's this rubbish about the Archangel being cursed? You see what I have to put up with?

The past week has been a nightmare for me. Everything we meet explodes, my subordinates are insubordinate as always, I think the commander is hitting on me, to top it all of, we landed thousands of miles from our target! One of these days…I'm telling you…

So, for this week's lesson, I give you: ESCAPE.

E – nemy and Friendly

S – hips

C – over

A – nd

P – ermit you to

E – scape

Those fools from the Menelaos thought we were saving our butts when we broke off from the formation. Well, damn right they are! They're exploding one by one, what do they expect us to do? Sit there and wait for hell to come? It's every ship for himself! Anyway, I suspected they weren't going to approve my request for a raise and transfer. That's what you get when you mess around with Murrue Ramius!

**-**

**ASK FLAY**

**(This is a no-nonsense, straight-to-the-point advice column by Flay Allster)**

Dear Flay,

It's Aegis again. I think my fiancée's cheating on me. Actually, I don't really like her _that way_. It's just that our fathers arranged this marriage to, I don't know, strengthen political ties or something. Anyway, I think she has a thing for my ex-best friend (you know, the one I asked you about. He still hasn't joined us, BTW). That kind of bugs me, you know? You don't see the guy for 5 freakin' years and then next thing you know, he's killing your friends one by one _and_ trying to steal your girl. It sort of steps on my ego or something. What do you think I should do?

Aegis

Dear Aegis,

Well, if I were you, I'd kill that guy in a heartbeat. Even if he _was_ (notice it's in past tense) your best friend. I mean, that's all in the past. If you want to stop looking like a loser here, you have to get rid of him. And what's up with your fiancée? Granted, your marriage was a political one, but still, she should at least show some decency. She shouldn't flaunt it. What I mean is, if she _was_ cheating on you, she shouldn't let you or anybody else know about it. It's kind of like a secret to the grave. Well, that's my advice. Kill the guy (unless of course you've killed him already. Well, that's good. It's like killing two birds with one stone). Period.

Love,

Flay

PS. Keep me posted and inform me immediately if and when you kill your backstabbing ex-best friend.

-

Dear Flay,

How are you? I hope you're fine. I really like your column a lot. I think that you have helped a lot of people through this! I'm writing to you because of a problem that I encountered several days ago. You see, I was saved by a very fine young man. Let's call him, Birdie. He was very nice to me and I think that I am falling for him. The problem is, I'm already engaged. And to his ex-best friend at that! Let's name my fiancé, Haro. Well, Birdie and Haro were very best friends when they were young. I don't really love Haro; our engagement was sort of arranged. But I do respect him and well, let's just say that it's not so bad to be married to him. Haro dropped by our house several days ago and I let slip that I like Birdie. He looked shocked and I'm afraid it might cause a dispute between them. Plus, I don't want my father to be disappointed in me. It would be a huge controversy if our wedding was cancelled because of my supposed 'infidelity'. I mean, Birdie and I didn't really do anything. I just undressed in front of him and showed him my panties (tee hee!).

Yours truly,

Pink Pop Idol

Dear Pink Pop Idol,

You know, I think I know how you feel. You would have to choose someone between them. But before you make that life-changing decision, weigh your options very carefully. Why the hell would you care what other people think? If your dad disapproves of your choices, get him out of the picture. It would also be helpful if you cause a bigger problem, like say, rebel or something. Do something that would make people forget about your current situation, i.e. being engaged to someone you sort of don't like.

Love,

Flay

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**MESSAGE BOARD**

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To my – ugh – Secret Admirer

I don't know who you are and I don't intend to know you. So, would you please stop whatever you're doing? It's bugging me. If ever we meet face-to-face, I'll bust your face in.

From Duel . 

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Athrun,

We're still friends! But I don't want to join your team. Your teammates are pests. Besides, they've got girls here in the Archangel. Does _your_ ship have girls? I don't think so. Plus, our captain's much more, uh, normal looking and not to mention, she's female! With big boobs! Does _your_ captain have big, bouncy boobs?

Kira .

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Dear Daddy,

You told me that I haven't seen much of the world. So…get this. I joined a resistance group! I miss you too, Daddy. But unless you cancel my engagement to that arrogant jerk Yuna, I'm never coming back! And oh yeah! I'm still mad at you for not telling me about those MS in Heliopolis! You should have given me one…

Your Darling Daughter,

Cagalli

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Orga, Baby…

How's training, honey? Ours is terrible. We still haven't got the hang of those damn machines. Hope you're doing fine there. I love you! Mwah! BTW, good luck to your new column! And that piece about Heliopolis exploding was simply F-A-N-T-A-S-T-I-C!

Love,

Asagi

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Anybody out there!

Military life is boring! If I had known that I would be spending the rest of my life in a ship chasing another ship, with guys as my only companions, I'd have chosen to be a priest instead. SO! Any GIRL in space out there! Visit me in the Vesalius and make my life worthwhile. One of these days, I promise, I'll defect and go over the Archangel. Heard they have girls there…

Buster

-

Hey, Pretty Ladies!

Me and the Archangel boys are looking for some fun! This ship is severely lacking in the female department (well, there are girls but almost all of them are taken!)! We'll be arriving in Earth soon and we're planning a huge and major bachelor party on the ship! All you Hot Mommas out there are invited!

– Arnie Newman et al.

**-**

To the Archangel

You just wait! When we catch up with you, your days are numbered! Thank your lucky stars you got away!

From the Vesalius

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**REMEMBERING HALBERTON**

Our Gossip Columnist, who was none other than Admiral Halberton of the 8th fleet, was killed in action during the orbital war. He known as a very resourceful and amiable man. His superiors informed us that his death was by no means personal but we would like to think otherwise. He was close to different people because of his good-natured personality, but being a gossip columnist earned him many enemies. Far more enemies than Patrick Zala and Murata Azrael have.

He left us his journal which will be published as soon as we have it edited. It contains his memoirs and several unpublished and shocking revelations.

We would also like to take the opportunity to inform the public that we are currently open for the position of gossip columnist.

Let us pray for his soul and those of others who have perished due to the carelessness of _some_ warships.

**SEED Weekly Staff**

**Editor-in-chief:Lazy-authoress**

**News Editor:Ledonir Kisaka**

**Feature Editor:Erika Simmons**

**Writers:Orga Sabnak**

**Shani Andras**

**Crot Buer**

**Asagi Caldwell**

**Juri Wu Nien**

**Mayura Labatt**

**Contributors:Murrue Ramius**

**Flay Allster**

**Aisha Waltfeld**


	3. Volume 1 Issue 3

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Gundam SEED. Any similarities that this fic might have to _anything_ are purely coincidental.

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**Volume 1 Issue 3**

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**Message from the Editor**

Again, we are terribly sorry for the delay of this issue… we seem to be always late on the update, huh? Well, we are seriously considering changing our publication's name. Maybe it should be 'SEED _Monthly_'… Heh. To make up for the lateness of this issue, this one will be _longer_ by say, a word? Kidding. But seriously, this issue will be longer.

So what can you find in this issue? More news about the bloody floating jinx that is the Archangel, that's what. We heard that they landed in the Desert Tiger's lair? Well, tsk, tsk. Tough luck. We hope that Andrew Waltfeld can survive meeting the cursed ship. For our regular columns, Miss Murrue Ramius is still angsting over her crew members and the Earth Alliance in general. Miss Flay Allster on the other hand, is enjoying her popularity and Kira's bed, ahem, ahem as our advice columnist. Many letters are pouring her way and she's got her hands full answering them (-looks at Kira and Flay-)… well, maybe not _that_ full.

Anyway, this issue's feature story is about Athrun Zala and Lacus Clyne, the most popular love team in the PLANTs! There are rumors that they have broken up, is this true? We let you decide for yourselves! Read on and find out what sort of juicy gossip we can mange to squeeze out of them.

Well, that's it for my editor's note. It's getting quite long... But before I end this... Thanks to our loyal readers and their wonderful reviews! Thank you very much! To subscribe to our newspaper, please press the "Add Story to Story Alert" button down there. For your comments/suggestions, press the "Submit Review" button. And for those of you who want to check-out our other published works, press the "Add Author to Author Alert" button or click on my name on top! Thank you very much!

- mumyou nanashi (formerly known as 'lazy-authoress')

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**NEWS**

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**LEGGED-SHIP LANDS ON DESERT TIGER'S LAIR**

**By Crot Buer**

Last February 14, the Archangel was reported to have landed in ZAFT-controlled territory in the African Community, the location of the headquarters of 'Desert Tiger,' Andrew Waltfeld.

The Archangel, more commonly known as the 'cursed ship' of the Earth Alliance, landed there prior to their emergency descent after saving their butts – er – being _commanded_ by Admiral Halberton of the 8th Orbital Fleet. The Earth Alliance officials, hoping that the curse of the Archangel would rub off on ZAFT, were reported to having encouraged this particular crossing of paths with the Desert Tiger himself.

"Well, let's just say hope that the Archangel manages to blow up those Coordinator scum!" said a very excited and insane-looking Murata Azrael, director of the Atlantic Federation.

And it seems that the Archangel truly is a jinx, both applicable to ZAFT and to the Earth Alliance. One of the ship's equally cursed mobile suits made chopped meat out of the Desert Tiger's forces. Eye witness accounts say that an unknown third-party was involved.

This publication only hopes that that third-party would think twice before casting their lots with the Archangel.

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**ARCHANGEL CREW APPREHENDED FOR UNAUTHORIZED PARTYING**

**By Shani Andras**

After the battle with the Desert Tiger's forces, where the Archangel emerged victorious, some members of the crew where reported to have thrown a victory slash bachelors' party. There was a lot of stripping, drinking, dancing, horrible singing, and heavy partying involved.

The organizer of the party was one Arnold Newman, a crew member of the Archangel. He was still in a slightly drunken stupor but the SEED Weekly staff managed to get his statement. "It was a (hic) blast! We even managed to invite this (hic) lady with blue hair and yellow (hic) highlights! But her manager, a brown-haired (hic) prick, had this stupid (hic) rule about 'no-touching!' But I still managed to (hic) steal a pat on the (hic) shoulders!"

Commander Mu La Flaga, also known as the Hawk of Endymion, apparently broke up the party after realizing that he "was not invited." The party then was considered unauthorized and the organizers would be facing court martial as soon as they set foot on JOSH-A. The other superiors of the ship, First Lieutenant Natarle Badgiruel and Captain Murrue Ramius had different views on the situation. (The two almost broke into a catfight, had we not intervened.)

The Captain, a seemingly lax woman, was only amused but after finding out that some of the crew men used her party – er – things, vowed on Admiral Halberton's grave that those involved will be seriously dealt with. Ms. Badgiruel, however, was furious right from the start and had wanted to blast the crew man to the ends of the earth. (Note from staffer: What a stupid woman! Yeah, sure! Kill the only person who can drive the accursed ship! Really smart!)

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**DESERT TIGER PUNISHES TASSIL**

**By Orga Sabnak**

After the confrontation between the Archangel and the Andrew Waltfeld's team of BuCUEs last February 14, in which the blasted ship clearly won, the Desert Tiger took matters into his own hands and vowed to find the traitors who helped the ship.

A few loose-lipped Archangel Crew members were reported to having leaked the information to the Desert Tiger's woman. It was then revealed that the mysterious helpers were the local resistance group, the Desert Dawn.

The Desert Dawn, backed by a rich benefactor, used explosives – the expensive kind, mind you – to destroy the BuCUEs. The leaders of the Desert Dawn were unavailable for comment but a few eye witnesses reported that there was a brawl involving the brown-haired young pilot of the Mobile Suit of the Archangel and a member of the Desert Dawn, a young man with shoulder-length blond hair, after the attack.

That night the Desert Tiger blew the town of Tassil, 'the home of the Desert Dawn', into smithereens. There were no casualties, surprisingly. The EA attributed this to a miscalculation on the Desert Tiger's part. Hah! And I thought Coordinators were supposed to be smart!

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**BLUE COSMOS ATTACKS BANADIYA**

**By Asagi Caldwell**

Blue Cosmos, a radical environmental group bent on the obliteration of all Coordinators, was reported to have caused disturbance in the town of Banadiya last February 20.

The group's target appeared to be just innocent bystanders enjoying their kebabs. The proprietor of the restaurant released this statement, "This is very bad for business! Very bad! But even so, I would like to remind my customers that this won't happen again. So eat now at Osama's Kebabs! The Best Kebabs in town!"

Some of the suspects got away but a few of them were found dead on the spot, so the investigation is put to a halt at the moment. Disturbances such as this are considered early-day occurrences in Africa, anyways.

On the other hand, before the incident, two persons, a brown-haired man wearing a stupid hat and sunglasses, and a young man with shoulder-length blond hair were seen arguing about what goes well with kebabs: yogurt sauce or chili sauce? Authorities suspect that there is some sort of connection between this incident and the terror attack, so they placed 200 orders from Osama's Kebabs and find out once and for all, the answer to the mind-boggling question.

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**DESERT TIGER, FUTURE DESIGNER?**

**By Mayura Labatt**

After the Blue Cosmos attack on Banadiya, some Desert Dawn members and the Desert Tiger himself apparently had some sort of closed-door meeting, of which the topics are still unknown.

The Desert Tiger, known for his love for coffee and a strange habit of dressing up his guests, was hospitable and gave the rebels proper treatment. The Desert Dawn rebels were apparently turned-off by the Desert Tiger's strange mannerisms.

A blonde-haired young woman dressed in a green dress, accompanied by a brown-haired young man, was seen storming out of the Desert Tiger's estate mumbling, "…a goddamn dress! They forced me into a bloody, stinking dress!"

Some sources revealed that the young woman was in fact the very same 'young man with shoulder-length blond hair' that frequently appeared in our reports. We are terribly sorry for the mix-up.

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**ATHRUN ZALA AND NICOL AMARFI COME HOME**

**By Juri Wu Nien**

Athrun Zala and Nicol Amarfi, both members of the elite Le Creuset Team of ZAFT, came back to the PLANTs after a long reconnaissance mission.

Athrun Zala, son of ZAFT Head Patrick Zala and the fiancé of pop-idol Lacus Clyne, was back home to spend time with his fiancée and to relax before his next big top-secret mission. Please go to our feature section for the interview with him and Lacus Clyne.

Nicol Amarfi, on the other hand, came home to have a concert. "I'm going to give my best and I hope that the audience will like it. I am also hoping that this won't be my last concert," the famous pianist said.

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**ADVERSTISEMENTS**

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OSAMA'S KEBABS: the best kebabs in town! Even if you're from ZAFT, the EA or whatever group, you'll surely enjoy this delicious delicacy. Best enjoyed with either yogurt or chili sauce, we do not advise combining the two sauces however.

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The DESERT TIGER NEEDS YOU! Due to an unforeseen incident with an enemy warship, the Waltfeld Team is currently in need of replacement pilots. Excellent pay and funeral benefits plus free coffee at Andy's Coffee Paradise. I'm not that picky, just make sure that you have no ties whatsoever to that bloody masked man, Rau Le Creuset.

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In need of war materials? Not a member of EA or ZAFT? Got a rich benefactor? Well, worry not! Here at Al Jairi's Trading, Inc., we offer the best prices and the best weapons! Come visit us at our warehouses located near the town of Banadiya. Water is, after all, needed to survive in the desert!

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Looking to add fulfillment to your dull, dull, life? Join BLUE COSMOS, a radical, environmental group! We just recently lost a couple of men on our research team due to a misunderstanding... But the chances of you getting killed are zero to zilch, so there's no need to worry! Just show us how much you hate Coordinators and you're in! And we think it goes without saying that Coordinators are NOT invited.

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Having trouble sleeping? Suffering from insomnia? We've got the answer to all your sleeping problems! Y.A. Productions present Nicol Amarfi's latest album, 'Theme of Tears'. Featuring the carrier single with the same title. Listen to this and you'll surely get knocked out! Ask one of our satisfied costumers, Athrun Zala! Buy it now and we'll give you a 0.01 discount! Offer good while supplies last.

-

-start shameless plug-

Want your very own KIRA YAMATO? Then you'll simply love the new KIRA YAMATO unit! It talks, walks, eats, sleeps, pilots and cries just like the real Kira! Coming to a Gundam SEED fanfiction section near you! For reservations, ask the editor-in-chief! Also available: ATHRUN ZALA and CAGALLI YULA ATHHA units. Coming soon: LACUS CLYNE!

-end shameless plug-

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NEEDED: A NEW TOWN. Must be in Africa near Tassil but far from the Desert Tiger, if possible. Must be fireproof and explosive-proof. Must be able to house rebel groups such as the Desert Dawn. Interested parties may call Sahib Ashman at the evacuation center.

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**FEATURE**

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**HOW TO SURVIVE MILITARY LIFE**

**By Murrue Ramius**

Like I said last issue, this is getting very annoying. We landed _miles_ from our original target, because of the Hesitant Pilot (you know, for a Hesitant Pilot, Kira-kun kills a lot), and not only that! We landed on ZAFT-controlled territory! Oh joy. I think I'm beginning to believe this ship _is_ cursed.

We had a freakin' hard time fighting the Desert Tiger's BuCUEs and, surprise, surprise. Natarle ended up questioning my orders AGAIN! The nerve of that woman! So tonight, along with our distress signal to JOSH-A, I'm including this message, "Kick Natarle out of this ship. She stays, I go. End of message." It's short but sweet, ne?

Going back to my story, we were having a hard time fighting off the BuCUEs. My heart almost stopped when I thought that the MS that we were carrying was sinking on the sand. For once, I'm glad that Kira's a Coordinator. Well, not just 'for once', many times actually, but still I don't find his constant crying and hesitating amusing.

He managed to defeat several BuCUEs but then he starts losing power. Stupid time-limit. Wonder why they can't run on gas like the good old days. I thought he was dead meat and was on the verge of rejoicing when out of nowhere, some guy butts in and blows up all remaining dog-like monstrosities.

We found out that it was the local resistance group, the Desert Dawn. And that the guy who butted in was, in fact, a she. Can't blame me, though. She _does_ look like a boy. But she helped us, so I guess it doesn't matter. So for lesson number three:

**E** - nemy's

**N** - otified

**E** - nemy

**M** - ay prove to be

**Y** - our bestest best friend

What does it mean? Simple. Common enemies make great allies. We and the Desert Dawn had a common enemy, that stinking Desert Tiger (stupid nickname in my opinion. Where the hell can you find a Tiger in a desert, huh? And I thought Coordinators were supposed to be smart). So we joined forces and defeated him! Good riddance!

Addendum: Argh! What the hell happened to my ASPIRINS! I need then now, more than ever! The nerve of that Newman! How dare he _lend_ my lingerie (the sexy kind) to that stripper! He is _so_ dead!

**-**

**ASK FLAY**

**(This is a no-nonsense, straight-to-the-point advice column by Flay Allster)**

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Dear Flay,

Um, hi. You don't know me! You really don't. Well, here's my problem. I have a problem similar to that of your other reader, Aegis. Well, I have a fiancée and we were doing fine before this war started. Even if it was an arranged marriage of sorts (kinda weird, huh? We're years from the future and they still have this kind of stuff), I was very certain that she liked me a lot, too. She's very pretty, kind of like – er – you. Her dad died in a freakish accident and after that this so-called friend of mine enters the picture and she completely ignores me. When I confront her about it, she suddenly goes, "My father arranged that, and since he's dead, there's no point of us being together!" What's with that? I thought what we had was special! And this so-called friend of mine goes, "I'm a Coordinator, hear me roar!" and then twists my arms. Talk about violence. I'm lost. What should I do? Should I go after my girl? Or forget about her for the sake of my so-called friendship with my so-called friend?

Love, I mean, yours truly,

Crewman Glassman

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Dear Crewman Glassman,

What a weird nickname… I sure as hell don't know anyone who would go by that name, if I did, I'd have severed ties with him by now. Anyway, enough with making fun of your nickname... That's sure one heck of a dilemma. You should go talk to Aegis sometime. Wouldn't it be funny if you were talking about the same guy? Haha! Well, like what I told Aegis, you should just kill off the guy. But he's a Coordinator, right? Hmm… that would be difficult. But I truly suggest meeting up with Aegis. Maybe he can help you with that. You know what they say; people with the same problems have the same solutions! Or something like that… As for your poor fiancée, don't put the blame on her! She just lost her father, she might just be having a hard time thinking about things. Give her time.

Hope I helped with your problem!

Flay

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Dear Flay,

Hey, just call me, uh, Strike. I'm very much depressed right now… I feel so bad. You see, I have this friend, um, Aegis. He and I used to be very close, but we sort of drifted apart. He told me that he didn't want war but now, he's with ZAFT. His very pestilent teammates and equally annoying team commander is endlessly pursuing us. After a very bloody battle, a father of one of my friends got killed right in front of her very eyes. She hated me for it. But when I couldn't save an escape pod from the enemy's hands, she comforted me, and said that it was alright. I'm getting kind of freaked out by her and at the same time, a little turned on. You see, I really like her. She's been my crush, like since, forever. Well, it would've been all nice and dandy except she has a fiancé. What's worse, her fiancés one of my good friends. I'm really so confused. And add to that, Aegis has a fiancée too, who seems to like me as well. What do I do?

-Strike

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Dear Strike,

Are you, by any chance, the same Strike that my reader Aegis has been telling me about? Well, if you are, I just can't send you away… So I'll try my best to answer your questions on a different point of view. Well, you obviously have tried to talk to Aegis and it wasn't a pretty sight. But don't worry, now that I've heard your side of the story, I'm seriously doubting Aegis now… Poor girl. She is obviously going through a hard time now, so don't blame her for acting so strangely! Please stop thinking about others! Think about yourself _and_ the girl! You two should be together. As for Aegis' fiancée, forget about that bitch! Make up your mind, you spineless wimp!

Love,

Flay

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Dear Flay,

I'm a rebel from a local resistance group. There's this girl that I like (who's often mistaken for a boy). I don't think she likes me like _that_. It's getting pretty hard for me. Why can't she notice that I like her? I've tried everything, saying yes to all her stupid antics, saving her a place in front of the fire place every night, everything! But still she remains oblivious of my feelings for her! Is there another way to express my feelings for her where she can't say 'no'?

Thanks!

Rebel-With-A-Cause

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Dear Rebel,

Have you tried dying in front of her very eyes? If the answer to that is yes, and that still didn't elicit any action on her part, I suggest you get over her and enjoy your afterlife.

Flay

PS. I only SERIOUSLY answer the letters of the main cast.

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**A NOT-SO-BLOODY VALENTINE**

**An Interview with Today's Hottest Couple, Athrun Zala and Lacus Clyne**

**By Aisha Waltfeld**

What do you get when you put together PLANT's most eligible bachelor and most popular songstress? Why, Athrun Zala and Lacus Clyne, of course! These two, both from the higher end of society seem to be a match made in heaven. Read on to find out the real deal between them and the answers to the rumors circulating in the grapevine, straight from their mouths!

Aisha: Hello there, you two! How was space?

Lacus: Oh, it was nice! There were floating debris everywhere and I met some very nice people at the Archangel.

Athrun: Space was space. And I can't exactly enjoy it when I'm fighting a war, you know.

Aisha: Ooookaaaayyy…. Moving on! How exactly did you two meet?

Athrun: Er…

Lacus: We met during one of our fathers' get-togethers!

Aisha: I see… Was it love at first sight?

Athrun: Uh… I mean, well, I kinda… um…

Lacus: Well, I guess it was… not.

Athrun: Not really. We were – what? – 12 years old, then. That's the time when boys start to get over the 'girls are gross' phase.

Aisha: So how did you really get together?

Lacus: Actually, it was our fathers who decided for us to get married. But I don't mind. Do you, Athrun?

Athrun: Huh? No, not at all.

Aisha: Er… so… you don't really like _like_ each other? (MAJOR REVELATION!)

Athrun: It's not that…

Lacus: I'm actually very fond of Athrun. And Athrun feels the same way. Don't you?

Athrun: Yes…

Aisha: So, are the rumors true? About Miss Lacus cheating on you?

Athrun: (eyes narrowing) Where'd you get that information?

Aisha: From a very reliable source at the Archangel. Thanks Arnie!

Lacus: No! That's not true. I'm not cheating on anyone! I've always been fair.

Athrun: Er… That's not what she meant, Lacus. What she means is: are you seeing someone else behind my back (-cough- Kira –cough-)?

Lacus: Oh my. Are you sick, Athrun?

Athrun: (sigh) No.

Lacus: Well, to answer your question… I don't think so.

Aisha: So, the wedding is still on?

Athrun: I guess.

Aisha: I suppose this has nothing to do with Lacus' alleged pregnancy?

Lacus: P-pregnant? No!

Athrun: Who told you that?

Aisha: Well, some guys from the Vesalius said that Lacus' stomach was lumpy when you returned her.

Athrun: No! That lump was her clothes!

Aisha! So… you two… you know…?

Athrun: What? No! Of course not!

Lacus: What? What's she saying?

Aisha: Well, it seems that getting information from you two is like drawing blood from a rock, so I guess it's high time we end this interview. Thank you for your time and good luck to your offsprings!

Athrun and Lacus: You're welcome.

Well, until next time folks! I think I need a break… Talking to those two gave me a headache.

**

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**MESSAGE BOARD**

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To the Vesalius

(Raspberry) : P

From the Archangel

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Attention: Mr. Yzak Joule,

We would like to inform you that you missed two meetings of our ANGER MANAGEMENT program. Failure to attend the next meeting will force us to report your negligence to your direct superior; in your case, Commander Rau Le Creuset. If you still refuse to attend our weekly sessions, we will have to take drastic measures and bring the matter to higher authorities, i.e. your mother.

You have been warned.

From HEINE WESTENFLUSS' "Cool your Head" ANGER MANAGEMENT PROGRAM

PS. Better show up now, Joule. Heard you got an ugly scar on your forehead. We're gonna need divine intervention if we want to get rid of all those negative vibes.

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To the Handsome Pilot of the Duel

Is it so bad for me to express my wanton desire for you, beloved? No need to get violent now...But I'll still be watching you. Cheering you on your fights and waiting with bated breath for the day when we'll finally be together. Too bad that other pilot gave you a nasty scar! But still, your face is so... (swoon)

From your Secret Admirer

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Hey Mayu!

Isn't this great? I'd just like to greet you a happy day! And I borrowed your phone the other day. (sheepish smile) I was thinking, could you change the color of its casing? It's pink for goodness' sake! How come you've got a cell phone and I don't? (whines)

From your loving oniisan, Shinn

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Sutherland,

Remember, whatever happens _DO NOT_, I repeat, _DO NOT_ reply to the Archangel's transmissions. I kind of like the JOSH-A base as it is. You've heard the rumors that it is cursed, right? Rumors or not, we are NOT taking any goddamn chances.

Reminding you for the preservation of our blue and pure base, I mean, _WORLD,_

Azrael

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To the lady with the yellow highlights on her blue hair,

Hey! The party was great wasn't it? All thanks to you, pretty lady! We hope you can attend more of our parties in the future! Oh, before I forget, did I tell you that it was the Desert Dawn who helped us fight that Desert Tiger bastard? If I didn't, well, I'm telling you now. I don't know if I managed to tell you since I was so drunk that night. Anyway, nice bunch of guys, those Desert Dawn are. Well, we gotta go! 'Til next time!

- Arnie Newman and the rest of the _bachelors_ of the Archangel

PS. Do you still have Captain Ramius', uh, _clothes_? Well, if you do, can you send it back via FedEx?

-

To the Desert _Kitten_ (sneer)

Hah! In your face, Waltfeld! Thought you could defeat the legged-ship, huh? Dream on, sucker! What made you think that you'll even manage to _scratch_ it when my team couldn't? Just curl up in your LAGOWE and die, you pathetic bastard! Oh yeah! I forgot... (sneer)

Your fellow ZAFT Commander,

Rau Le Creuset (sneer)

-

Kira, you bastard!

How dare you steal my girl! As if killing my friends wasn't enough! Haro reported that you've seen her undies! That's right! Sweet, little, ole Pink-chan! (bet you're shocked, huh? Pink-chan's not just a goddamn toy!) Damn you! I haven't even seen her bare _feet_, yet! Now I'm really going to kill you!

From your ex-best buddy, Athrun

PS. How was it? What color...?

-

Mother,

Please put your heart to rest. I am safe here at Gibraltar with my team mate. Please don't worry anymore. I miss you terribly. I hope that you are doing alright up there in the PLANTs. The pilot of the Strike did give me a scar on my face. It's not very pretty to look at... which reminds me... to the fuc - er - stupid (_can't curse in front of my mother, you know...) _pilot of the Strike: Shii-ne! Sturaiko! Anyway, I love you, mother.

Your son,

Yzak

-

To My Dearest Cagalli,

I moved your wedding date... Happy now? So would you please, _please_ go home, sugarplum? Daddy misses you so very much! I'm hearing rumors that you joined forces with the Archangel? Oh, please say you didn't! Those jinxes will be the death of anyone who crosses their path! Come home, daughter! I've got a pink MS here in the works for you...

From your loving Father

_-_

To that stinking masked man, Rau Le Creuset:

Drop dead, you freak!

From Hawkie

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**Message to our READERS**

Watch out for the premier (is that the right word?) of my column, _Fanfic Review_! Thanks to **C-Town Chica**, who finally agreed to let me review her fic, _Photographs of War_. Look out for it next issue! I'm currently away on training... Damn that Azrael! 'Punishment' and 'Torture' were not in the job description! Damn him to hell! My body aches like crazy!

And I'd like to greet my two fellow living CPUs! Hey, Shani, Crot! What did I say, you bastards! I told you I'd get my big break sooner or later! Heh! Just drown in envy, you suckers!

Anyway, it's a good thing _someone_ finally gave me my own column. God knows how fed up I am with all the stupid news that I have to write!

As you may _not_ know, I'm very fond of reading novels and other such stuff. And despite my being kind of insane sometimes, I'm actually very capable of criticizing others' works. And for those who still doubt me... well, f--k off!

Stay tuned, okay!

From the new REGULAR columnist, Orga Sabnak

PS. Asagi, honey, sorry but we have to lie low for a while. Azrael's bugging me and now I have this column to occupy my time. You _do_ understand, right?

**

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**Editor-in-chief:** mumyou nanashi

**News Editor:** Ledonir Kisaka

**Feature Editor:** Erika Simmons

**Writers:** Orga Sabnak

Shani Andras

Crot Buer

Asagi Caldwell

Juri Wu Nien

Mayura Labatt

**Contributors:** Murrue Ramius

Flay Allster

Aisha Waltfeld

**Cover Illustrator: **MapleRose - www. deviantart. com/ deviation/ 37264555/ (take out the spaces)


	4. Volume 1 Issue 4

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Gundam SEED. Any similarities that this fic might have to _anything_ are purely coincidental.

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**Volume 1 Issue 4**

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**Message from the Editor**

**-**

Another week, another issue. We're still following the cursed ship, the Archangel. The Desert Tiger finally meets his demise, as well as the Morassim Team. There's a new team in hot pursuit of the jinxed ship, two guesses who it could be! For our feature section, Miss Murrue Ramius' entries seem to be getting angrier and angrier every time! And for 'ASK FLAY', even though some readers find it less than amusing and helpful, I'm sorry but Miss Flay Allster signed a contract. We're stuck with her, unfortunately. And for those who like it, well, here's good news for you! You can send in your letters to mumyou (underscore) nanashi (at) yahoo (dot) com (dot) ph. For those anxious about Orga's column, the wait is over! Mr. Sabnak will be reviewing a piece from Miss C-Town Chica, a very talented author, if I do say so myself. Well, we were supposed to have an interview with the Princess of Orb, Cagalli Yula Athha, but she seems to be AWOL. The same goes for one of our regular columnists, Miss Aisha Waltfeld. She hasn't been reporting for work and her duties are piling up! For comments, suggestions, contributions, etc. please leave a review of send me an e-mail!

Well, as always, I would like to thank our dear readers! Thank you for supporting this newspaper!

PS. To Miss (?) Sinful Tears, I apologize for giving you the erroneous e-mail address. I was not aware that the .ph was relevant. Please send in your letters at the above-mentioned e-mail add. We'll be waiting patiently for it. Thank you!

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**NEWS**

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**DESERT TIGER KILLED IN ACTION DURING ENCOUNTER WITH CURSED SHIP**

**by Mayura Labatt**

Commander Andrew Waltfeld, more commonly known as the 'Desert Tiger', was killed in action during a fight with a mobile suit of the cursed Earth Alliance ship, the Archangel.

After almost two weeks of hostilities, the Archangel's curse seems to have finally rubbed off on the Desert Tiger. According to reports, the Waltfeld Team was completely wiped out. However two members of the Le Creuset team who were asked to assist the Waltfeld Team, Yzak Joule and Dearka Elthman, had survived the battle.

They were unavailable for comment as the blond Coordinator was busy calming down his silver-haired comrade who kept on cursing someone named, "Stu-raiko."

The Archangel is now headed to Alaska via the Red Sea. Anyone within that vicinity, civilians and soldiers alike, are advised to stay clear from the dreaded ship's path.

**-**

**MORASSIM TEAM WIPED OUT AFTER ENGAGING CURSED SHIP INTO BATTLE**

**by Shani Andras**

After the Desert Tiger, the Morassim Team was the next victim to fall prey to the Archangel's wings. Headed by Commander Marco Morassim, the entire team was annihilated without a single trace.

"Well, I did warn him, you know," Commander Rau Le Creuset sneered. It was reported that Le Creuset was the one who informed Morassim that the Archangel was headed their way. Morassim was advised to damage that Archangel and not get killed in the way, so instead of a medal, he is being searched for failure to carry out orders…even though he is technically dead.

The Archangel's course is predicted to pass through Orb.

**-**

**LE CREUSET CALLED BACK TO THE PLANTs, NEW TEAM LEADER MISSING**

**by Juri Wu Nien**

Commander Rau Le Creuset, Order of the Nebula awardee and current leader of the Le Creuset Team designated to pursue the Archangel, was reportedly called back to the PLANTs by National Defense Committee and ZAFT Head, Patrick Zala.

In line with this, a new team was formed consisting of the original members of the Le Creuset Team and headed by Patrick Zala's son, Athrun Zala. The Zala Team is now the assigned hunter of the Archangel.

Several complaints about the rearrangement of the team were reported to have come from Yzak Joule and Dearka Elthman. Outbursts of "suck up" and the like were heard in their sleeping quarters. Captain Zala was advised to watch out for impending coup d'etat's.

However, on Zala's first day as the team captain, he was reported missing prior to their transfer to ZAFT Carpentaria Base. Any individual with information regarding Captain Athrun Zala's whereabouts are encouraged to come forward.

**-**

**ZALA RUNS FOR SUPREME COUNCIL CHAIRMAN**

**by Crot Buer**

Patrick Zala, current Head of ZAFT and the National Defense Committee and co-founder of the Zodiac Alliance now known as ZAFT, announced yesterday that he would be running for Chairman of the Supreme Council of the PLANTs in the upcoming elections.

His friend and ZAFT co-founder, Siegel Clyne, also expressed his desire to be re-elected as Chairman. But as Senator Zala puts it, the neither the campaign nor the election would put a dent in their strong friendship. Chairman Clyne also confirmed Senator Zala's statement.

And this will, by no means, affect the upcoming Clyne-Zala nuptials. Lacus Clyne is behind her father 100 and has started recording campaign jingles. Athrun Zala, however, was not available for comment.

**

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ADVERSTISEMENTS**

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FOR SALE: Quaint little coffee shop with a BIG, white mansion behind it. Used to belong to a famous war veteran. Interested parties may contact Martin DaCosta.

-

MISSING: Anyone who has seen a blonde girl who looks like a boy, please call Ledonir Kisaka at the Archangel. She was last seen fighting in a Skygrasper. Please contact me. Without her, I might as well say goodbye to my ORB Citizenship and Retirement Plan.

-

Got a nasty scar you want removed but don't have the time? That's easy! Use ZAFT Scar Removing Cream. It's simple as 1-2-3! Just apply it and in two years time (by the time SEED Destiny unfolds, for that matter), you're sure to get results! It's magic!

-

MISSING: Athrun Zala. Blue hair and green eyes. Last seen falling down the ground in breakneck speed inside a Mobile Suit that can't fly. Contact his able subordinate (who has more sense in his supposedly thick skull than to get lost on his very first day as the new team commander), Yzak Joule at the Carpentaria Base. (On second thought, don't contact me! Maybe if Athrun really gets lost, I'll be the new commander!)

-

In need of jumpsuits with flattering colors for infiltration purposes? Looking for scuba suits that are appropriate for long-distance diving? How about fake I.D.'s to ensure you're entrance to any compound? Then come visit us here at the SPY DIVISION of the ORB Military! We have everything, and we do mean everything that you might need for all your top secret needs!

-

(_To the tune of "HAPPY"… You know, "Happy… (shalalala)! It's so nice to be happy!"_)

Patrick! Zala-lala… You gotta vote for Patrick! Zala-lala…

VOTE ZALA FOR CHAIRMAN!

**-**

Anyone who can tell us the whereabouts of Miss Aisha Waltfeld is encouraged to contact this newspaper ASAP. Anyone who can recommend someone who can replace her is also encouraged to contact us. We'll be waiting…

* * *

**FEATURE**

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**HOW TO SURVIVE MILITARY LIFE**

**By Murrue Ramius**

**-**

Like every other human being on earth (or in space), the crew and I had our fair share of ups and downs for this week. Good news first, we managed to kill the Desert Tiger! Yeah! That's what he got for ever messing with the black ship of the EA! Although, Kira has been moping around more than usual… I think he's about to snap. What the hell's the matter with him? He should be freakin' happy we managed to get out of that one in one piece! The Bad News: Natarle, well, she's still PMSing. Go figure. I don't know what's the freaking matter with her but she's always contradicting my decisions! Who's the CAPTAIN anyway? If she doesn't like how I run things here, she'd better start swimming to Alaska and ask for a transfer. The nerve of that flat-chested woman! And then there's that team that's been chasing us! When will they stop? They already have four of the GAT-X Mobile Suits and still they want their grubby Coordinator paws on the Strike? Talk about selfish! I swear, they're becoming more and more annoying each and every time we encounter each other. Why won't our curse rub off on them? I've just noticed something, ah, disturbing. Flay seems to become more and more attached to Kira and more and more (for lack of a better term) deranged. Security cameras have shown her in her bras saying over and over again that the ship won't sink because Kira will protect her. Ego much, huh? Well, I really can't complain since Kira's been performing (read: killing) more efficiently, ever since he's been swamped by girls. So for this week's lesson, I suggest:

E - ncourage

V - ile and

I – rritating

L - ady (?)

T - o be

R - escued

I - diotically and

C - oncernedly by

K - ira

EVIL TRICKS! If you want your subordinates to follow you, or more specifically, if you want Kira to kill for you, you have to resort to this schemes! Thanks to Flay, we'll still be safe! Hooray! But if Kira disappears or gets KIA, I'll kick Flay out of the ship, she's too…-evil-… for my tastes! I very well can't keep her around if she's planning to overthrow me! And I have a feeling that that's -exactly- what she wants… The Archangel is -mine-! No one can take it away from me!

**-**

**ASK FLAY**

**(This is a no-nonsense, straight-to-the-point advice column by Flay Allster)**

**-**

So, someone doesn't like my column, huh? Well, too bad for you, punk! I got a contract with this newspaper! Unless I get kidnapped or roasted in a fire while riding an escape shuttle, you won't get a new advice columnist! HAHAHAHA! On a more cheerful note, at least other people have shown an interest in my advice-giving skills. OF COURSE, you may send in your letters. Just e-mail them at mumyounanashi (at) yahoo (dot) com. OR you can include it in your review!

**-**

Dear Flay,

Normally, I don't write to columns such as these. Ugh. I don't even read them. I just heard some guys down at the factory talk about it. You can tell that I'm very, very desperate. I don't know who to talk to! I mean, most of the guys I know are, well, -guys-! And I don't really want to talk about this to anyone. They might think I cracked or something. Everyone thinks that I'm a tomboyish brat and well, maybe I am! Well, moving on... I got stuck with a guy on an island a couple days back. No, nothing happened. Well, something _did_ happen; actually, I tried to kill him. It was kind of romantic, really. The fighter jet that I was flying crashed on some deserted island. And I met this amazing, wonderful, funny, good-looking, drool-worthy, intelligent guy. He tried to kill me at first (since we're sort of enemies), but when he found out I was a girl, he stopped. Yeah! He actually though I was a BOY! Argh! How many times do I have to tell everyone that I'm a girl! You know, that just pisses me off! Anyway, we talked about some nonsense stuff, and then I tried to kill him. Well, to cut a long story short, we became sort of friends (but we're still kind of enemies because we belong to different sides). I think I like him.

Tomboyish Brat

PS. You think you can lay off Cagalli a little, she's really nice once you get to know her. She, um, told me that there was no way in hell she would go for someone as crybaby-like as Kira.

-

Dear Tomboyish Brat,

That's not a very good first impression you made there, I just wish you wouldn't do it again. A lot of people are getting affected (in a bad way) by this war. It kind of holds personal lives on hold, right? So, what you have to do is get him to join _your_ side. It's that simple. If you tried to kill him and you like him, and he tried to kill you, too, it must mean that he likes you too! Get my logic? Stick to this guy and if you see him again, don't ever let him out of your sight! That kind of guy is hard to come by nowadays!

Love,

Flay

PS. If you please, I would like to keep my personal life in private. Who I hate is up to me; it's not that I hate Cagalli because it looks like she likes Kira. I just freaking hate her! Leave me alone, if you still want me to answer your stupid questions! And you wouldn't want to make me mad either!

-

Dear Flay,

It's Aegis again. I promised to keep you updated so here. Strike, my fiancée-stealing, comrade-killing 'friend', is still alive. It's kind of a touchy subject for me and I don't feel like talk – er – writing about it. Anyway, I feel kind of guilty... You see, I got stranded on a deserted island with an enemy. Worse, she was a girl! Well, you might scoff and say, "So?" and tell me to do the Flay-thing to do: sleep with her to make her do my biddings! Gods! But she was so pretty and if ever I did sleep with her, it might be -me- who would end up doing what her heart desires. You can say that I'm pretty love-struck as of now. At first, I thought she was a boy! We tried to shoot each other's head off and she got me on the shoulder. Now, if I wasn't so gung-ho about her, I'd get annoyed. How could a supposed civilian-girl manage to shoot me on the shoulder? Anyway, I managed to turn the situation to my advantage and the end result was, I landed on top of her. I was going for the kill when she screamed and that was when I realized it was incredibly high-pitched for a boy and that my arm was on top of something soft. She was a girl! I tied her up and I didn't notice how pretty she was until I saw her standing in the rain. I think I'm going insane just thinking about it! She looked so…feminine! I undid her bindings and even gave her food. The rest was a blur… Her trying to kill me again, me threatening to kill her too… a blur I tell you! (I think it I owe it to the fact that I was so freaking tired…) The next day, we split paths as our respective transports arrived. Something tells me we'll meet again. I feel confused. My fiancée is pretty and more lady-like than the brash, tomboyish girl I met on that island. As much as I would like to celebrate over finally finding the possible love of my life, my rational side forces me to confront certain issues. Am I having gay tendencies? I mean, how could I possibly forget about my fiancée because of -her-? I'm so confused…

Hope you could -finally- help me this time…

Aegis

-

Dear Aegis,

Okay, I'll ignore your and Strike's differences for the mean time. That's a very difficult question. Although, if we look at it logically, we'll get the answer that you're hoping for. Boyish though this girl might be, she's still, through and through, a female. It didn't seem that you liked her the instant you saw her, you liked her -after- you knew she was, in fact, a she. So, I don't think you're having gay tendencies. It would be a shame if you turned out to be gay, you seem so cute! Anyway, we'll see in the future. Good luck to your blossoming relationship. Even if you didn't ask for it, I'm sure that you're thinking, "How can we get together if we belong to different sides?" Stop worrying! The answer is so simple! Why don't you join -their- side? It would also help if you could suck up to her father a little. I mean, that's what Sai did. I hope I -finally- helped you!

Love,

Flay

-

Dear Flay,

Waaah! I've been crying since last night! My boyfriend, Calamity, decided that we should 'lie low for a while' because of his genocidal boss. Why can't he defend our love for once! Between his new column for this shitty, sorry little magazine and harsher training, I'm not so sure I fit in his life anymore. Doesn't he love me anymore? I'm afraid to make him choose. What do I do?

Yours truly,

Soon-to-be-the-ex-future Mrs. Calamity

-

Dear Soon-to-be-the-ex-future Mrs. Calamity,

I'm getting ready for a 'date' with Kira and can't think straight, so I decided to forward your letter to our new columnist and a good friend of mine, Orga Sabnak.

This is his advice: "Your boyfriend's a loser, girl. Away on training, my butt! Why don't you give him a dose of his own medicine? This war can be beneficial for you. Join the opposing side and kick his ass in the battlefield! That way, he'll regret ignoring his little girlfriend for the rest of his life!"

**-**

**FANFIC REVIEW**

**By Orga Sabnak**

**-**

_**Photographs of War**_

_**by C-Town Chica**_

For this week's issue, I will be reviewing _C-Town Chica's_ **'Photographs of War.'**

It's a nice change from all the 'shonen-ai' stuff that's been swimming around in the section. Don't get me wrong, I'm not dissing those yaoi supporters. To each his own, as I always say. But I'm bloody, goddamn straight (thank you very much) so I don't enjoy those types...

Back to the review. I have no qualms whatsoever about Dearka-Miriallia fics, but you should try making fics about me and Asagi sometimes!

_Photographs of War_ is about Miriallia and her life after the war. After the war, she and Dearka got separated and is currently living alone as a photographer. Due to her profession, she becomes a target of a politician (can't say who, I don't know if I'm allowed to give spoilers…) and one of her former shipmates is ordered to kill her. But that certain shipmate does not carry out the order and instead sends her to his friend for her safety. It's still unfinished at the moment, so come on Chica!

Plot is everything in a fic... well, _almost_ everything. For this fic, it's fairly easy to follow. It has a nice touch of mystery. I think it's for all audiences...if you ignore the slight violence. The fight scenes are fairly acceptable and believable. It's interesting to see Athrun's, Yzak's and, especially, Dearka's dilemma. Will they continue helping Miriallia even if it means disobeying a direct order from a superior? And how will Dearka and Miriallia get together while a war is unfolding in their very eyes? What about Athrun and Miriallia? I think you're trying to start something here, Chica… Well, _some_ people managed to do it in the series... As I said, it's still in progress, so I can't say much for the ending. Hopefully, this will have a happy one.

Now let's go to the more technical aspects of the fic. Nobody's perfect, as they say. Typographical errors are sometimes negligible. Grammatical errors, however, could be avoided. I'd advise you to use all caps for abbreviations like ZAFT, PLANTs and other such words. And you should use a comma after speech instead of periods, for example: "Coordinators should go to hell," Azrael said insanely. Question marks and exclamation points are used as they are. And something kind of bothers me; Miriallia is using -films- for her camera. I think it would be appropriate for her to use a digital camera (the professional kind). She's using one in Destiny, and because of the timeline, films would be more likely to be extinct.

I'm looking forward to the future chapters and I sincerely hope that Dearka and Miriallia end up together on this fic!

_Next issue:_ Well, aside from C-Town Chica, nobody seems to trust me to review their fic. So I might be criticizing one of the editor's fics until someone brave enough decides to submit his/her fic!

**

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**MESSAGE BOARD**

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To Mwu La Flaga a.k.a. the -Chicken- of Endymion,

Stop flooding the message board with your idiotic threats (sneer).

Rau Le Creuset

-

Tell my mom, Heinz (Tomato Ketchup) Westen-fluke, and you'll wish you've never been born. Wow! I really AM improving! If it was the old me, I'd have punched the guy straight in the face! And now, I've resorted to bad name-calling and giving out not-so-empty threats! Cool!

From Yzak Joule

-

Lord Uzumi,

I regret to inform you that Cagalli is missing. She forced the head mechanic to allow her to fly the spare Skygrasper to aid the Strike, despite the fact that during her first ever flight, she barely, just barely, flew out of death's clutches. We lost the signal from her Skygrasper and we haven't received any distress signals. Don't worry; we're currently searching the oceans for any sign of her.

Kisaka

PS. I hope this doesn't affect my Pension Plan in any way…

-

Commander Le Creuset,

We're sorry you couldn't get any word out of what we were reporting, so we decided to just write to you. It's just that the one you chose to take over the team has been missing! Hahahaha! On his very first day! What a moron! What a complete moron! Yes, we would most likely capture the legged ship now! NOT. HAHAHAHAHA! We -TOLD- you, you should've chosen one of us as team leader, but -no-... you chose ATHRUN! Just because you wanted to suck up to Representative Zala… Anyway, Nicol's out there looking for Athrun.

Dearka and Yzak

-

Athrun,

Well, it wasn't like I had a choice! -She- undressed in front of me! I never forced her to! Pink-chan has a hidden camera! Wow! You're sure getting better in devising annoying robots… Anyway, I'm still not joining your team. I heard your annoying teammate got a scar? Hah! That's what he got for shooting that innocent escape pod. (I knew I should've insisted Sai to board that…) And haven't you heard? I'm going out with Flay Allster now! At least I -THINK- I am…

Kira

PS. Have you seen a blonde girl who looks like a boy who looks a lot like me, but a me with blonde hair and amber eyes and is a girl? If you have, well, can I bother you to take care of her? I -DID- take care of Lacus…

**-**

To Dearka, Yzak, and Nicol,

Well, seeing as my comm isn't working… I'm safe here in an uncharted island. Yzak, don't even -THINK- of staging a coup d' etat! And Dearka! Stop giving Yzak those dumb ideas! Nicol, you're the only one I can count on. And if you start getting any ideas of joining Yzak and Dearka, remember that I was the only one who attended your slumber party, I mean, your concert.

Athrun

-

To the Archangel,

I'm safe, so you better not be declaring me MIA or else! As I said, I'm safe here with a totally cool and cute guy! So there! I'll be waiting for your rescue team!

Cagalli

* * *

**SEED WEEKLY STAFF**

**Editor-in-chief: **mumyou nanashi

**News Editor: **Ledonir Kisaka

**Feature Editor: **Erika Simmons

**Writers: **Shani Andras

Crot Buer

Asagi Caldwell

Juri Wu Nien

Mayura Labatt

**Regular Columnists: **Murrue Ramius

Flay Allster

Aisha Waltfeld

Orga Sabnak (_finally, gundamnit!_)


	5. Volume 1 Issue 5

_**Disclaimer:** I do not own Gundam SEED. Any similarities that this fic might have to _anything_ are purely coincidental._

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**-**

**SEED MONTHLY**

**-**

**-**

**Volume 1 Issue 5**

**-**

**-**

**Message from the Editor**

Hello, dear readers! Is it me or has this become a routine? Apologizing, that is… Hehe. I'm terribly sorry for not being able to update on time. Really, I am. It's just that I just have to make sure that we deliver precise and accurate news! We wouldn't want to disappoint you… And thank you to all those readers who dropped in a review! Thank you very much for your continued support!

Anyway, what's in this issue? First, the whole staff of SEED Monthly offers our condolences to the friends and loved ones of Nicol Amarfi. He was a great person. May his soul rest in piece, I mean, peace. Oopsie. Sorry. Ahem! Moving on… It seems that Miss Murrue Ramius has found some back-up! I pity those poor guys… Sooner or later, their curse is gonna rub off on you, I'm telling you. Miss Allster has answered her first ever letter from a reviewer! But it seems as if she's been moody lately… Well, she better watch out before something bad happens to her! (evil grin)

Mr. Sabnak has also been quite moody lately. Aw, poor guy. I hope he returns to normal soon, as I'm quite fond of him. Although, Mr. Andras and Mr. Buer have been bugging me for a music review and a games review column, respectively. Sorry guys, but our funds say 'na-da'.

And we're still looking for someone who could replace Miss Aisha Waltfeld. For some reason, Mr. Da Costa has turned down our offer…

Well, as always, mail your comments and suggestions at mumyounanashi (at) yahoo (dot) com (dot) ph or go click 'Submit a Review'! For subscriptions, click 'Add to Stories Alert.'

Thanks and have fun reading this edition of SEED Monthly!

**-**

**-**

**NEWS**

**-**

**-**

**ARCHANGEL FOUND NEAR ORB TERRITORY**

**by Juri Wu Nien**

Radars from ordinary fishing vessels and from state-of-the-art military facilities alike had spotted the Earth Alliance ship, the Archangel, near Orb territorial waters.

Having just escaped the grasp of the Morassim Team, the Archangel had been cruising the ocean, attempting to find their way back to Alaska. They were currently being pursued by the newly-formed Zala Team under the leadership of Athrun Zala. A skirmish had occurred near Orb territory and rumor has it that the Archangel is currently being hidden by the Orb government.

Orb citizens had become wary upon hearing the situation, fearing that they may end up with the same fate as Heliopolis. An enraged citizen, Professor Kato (who by the way is still looking for his student Kira Yamato), commented on this yesterday, "That ship is a goddamn, bloody jinx!"

This publication has this to say: So, what else is new?

-

**ZALA TEAM DEMANDS ORB TO HAND OVER THE ARCHANGEL**

**by Shani Andras**

The newly formed Zala Team, pursuers of the Earth Alliance warship, the Archangel, sent word to the Chief Representative of Orb, Uzumi Nala Athha, to hand over the said warship.

After the battle that had occurred near Orb territorial waters, the Archangel was supposedly assisted by the Orb Naval Fleet and was even escorted inside its facilities. Athrun Zala, leader of the said team, had already contacted the nearby Carpentaria Base to report on the issue.

However, Representative Athha denies Zala's allegations and the Emirs have released this statement.

"Oh, so ZAFT is being led by a bunch of teenagers now? Hmmm… we should speak in teenager talk for them to understand us. Yo, Zala Team! We're, like, sorry, man, but the Archangel ain't here no more. We already kicked its humongous ass out of our crib, man!"

We tried to get Mr. Zala's side but, unfortunately, he was not available for comment.

-

**ZALA, NEW CHAIRMAN OF THE PLANTs**

**by Crot Buer**

Following the elections in the PLANTs held at Aprillius One, Coordinators chose Patrick Zala as the new Chairman of the PLANTs.

Chairman Zala, one of the pioneers of ZAFT and known for his aggressive military tactics, won a landslide victory against his opponent and friend, Siegel Clyne. Political analysts say that it was due to Zala's willingness to fight fire with fire against the Earth Forces compared to Clyne's more peaceful means, while others say that Zala won because of his 'pretty-boy soldier of a son.'

One of our sources, who wishes to remain anonymous, had been angered about the whole situation. "Damn that Athrun! First, he graduates top of the class, then he gets to be the leader of our stinkin' team, and now this! When will his accomplishments end!"

We, here from SEED Monthly, congratulate Chairman Zala and hope that his term would put an end to this war.

-

**FAMED PIANIST KIA**

**by Orga Sabnak**

After clashing with the cursed ship of the Earth Alliance, the Archangel, Nicol Amarfi, famous pianist from the PLANTs renowned for his skills, has been reported killed in action.

The Zala Team was reported to have clashed with the Archangel yet again, after last week's affair (see above articles). The battle had turned even bloodier which resulted to the death of the famed pianist. Sources close to the Zala Team had revealed that the remaining three members were devastated.

Nicol Amarfi was the son of Supreme Council Member Yuri Amarfi. Mr. Amarfi (the dead one) had just performed in a concert before leaving for Earth. It was his first Earth descent.

It was said that the GAT-X105 Strike, from the Archangel, was the one who killed Mr. Amarfi. The said pilot (identity still unknown) was unavailable for comment. Witnesses say that he sliced the cockpit in half. (_Ed. -wince- that's gotta hurt!_)

Mr. Yzak Joule, member of the Zala Team, has this to say, "Gundamnit! I still say we're the Le Creuset Team! Argh! Anyway, Nicol wouldn't have f(bleep)g died if he hadn't saved that a(bleep)e, Athrun's ass! The f(bleep)g pilot of Strike better pack his belongings tonight! Because I've got a one way ticket to hell for that son of a b(bleep)h!"

-

**FANS OF NICOL AMARFI DEMAND REFUND**

**by Mayura Labatt**

Upon learning of the unfortunate passing of the famous pianist, Nicol Amarfi, his fans had been initially devastated. Afterwards, word finally came out that the concert will be cancelled.

Tickets had been sold months prior to the event and the untimely demise of Mr. Amarfi. Fans had been on an uproar, demanding for a refund.

"Or better yet, why don't they stick him together with glue and let him play! I didn't eat lunch for four f(bleep)g months just to be able to buy a ticket!" one of them was quoted saying.

Unfortunately, the organizer of the event, Mr. Yuri Amarfi, had been unavailable for comment.

**-**

**-**

**ADVERTISEMENTS**

**-**

**-**

WANTED: SPY for ZAFT. Must be working at Morgenroete, Onogoro Island, Orb. Must understand the term 'TOP SECRET'. Must be willing to assist four brats from respectable political families. Must be able to produce fake I.D.'s in 24-hours. Excellent Pay. Contact the Captain of the Vosgulof-class Submarine just outside ORB Territory.

-

I need a gun. My Father just confiscated ALL of them. Contact Cagalli at the Athha Mansion. I'm willing to pay big bucks! And also, if you could throw in a few pain-relievers, I'd pay for them also. My cheek is stinging like crazy!

-

NEEDED: Sturdy paper masks to buy in bulk. The other brand I use turned out to be flimsy. Interested bidders may contact Rau Le Creuset.

-

OBITUARY

Nicol Amarfi (C.E. 56 – C.E. 71)

Loving Son and Friend.

The Tears of the War Will Always be With Us.

Rest In (Two) Pieces, my Friend.

From Athrun Zala, Dearka Elthman and Yzak Joule

-

UP FOR AUCTION: Black, grand piano. Used to belong to famous pianist and war veteran. Comes with free picture of Nicol Amarfi and original sheet music of 'Theme of Tears.' Money generated from this event will be used for the development of N-Jammer Cancellers. Interested Parties, please contact Yuri Amarfi.

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WANTED: EA Spy. Preferably a soldier from ZAFT. Willing to double-cross and be double-crossed. Contact Murata Azrael at Blue Cosmos Headquarters, Atlantic Federation. "For a blue and pure world!"

-

WANTED: Babysitter. Must be single and does -not- have an affair with a married man/woman. Must be wholesome and not perverted. Must be trustworthy and not nosy. Must like kids with blond hair and blue eyes. Contact Rau Le Creuset at his house.

-

**-**

**FEATURE**

**-**

**-**

**HOW TO SURVIVE MILITARY LIFE**

**by Murrue Ramius**

Okay, what the heck is the matter with that stinking team! They just won't leave us alone! We hid out on Onogoro Island, the most secure place on the planet (not to mention, the most rocking! Boy, those clubs were hot! If you haven't seen in at night, you'd better! I love the nightlife… I love to boogey…) and we even enlisted Orb's help and that stinking team still managed to sniff us out! I don't know how they did that but they did! Do Coordinators have super-sensitive noses or something? But it's a good thing that Orb decided to help us. And it helped a lot that their Prince…ss was here with us! I love that country! (Especially their clubs!) When I defect, I'm going there! So for this month's military tip:

O – btain

R – escue

B – rigade

Sure, it's all nice and dandy to have enemies but it's also great to have allies nowadays! Especially if you're as popular as us! I knew picking up that blonde tomboy would prove to be helpful! Next time we're in a fix, we'll know just who to ask! ORB!

Oh, I forgot to add. It seems like Kira already broke up with Flay. Well, guess who I'll be getting rid of next! And Kira killed someone – again! But he's been brooding and stuff. Grow a spine, kid! You've been killing people and destroying stuff since Phase 01! Get used to it already! Oh, and I told you to retrieve that beam saber! Do you know how much those cost? That's coming out of your paycheck, kiddo! Wait a minute… those kids have paychecks!

**-**

**-**

**ASK FLAY**

**(This is a no-nonsense, straight-to-the-point advice column by Flay Allster)**

**-**

I was supposed to skip doing this column for this edition of SEED Monthly, but they wouldn't let me! That editor-in-chief even threatened to fire me! The nerve of that b(leep)h! I'm going through some emotional trauma right now, having just been rejected by a guy for the first time since, well, -never-, and she can't even spare me some time off! Here's the column, you b(bleep)h! I hope you're happy!

**-**

Dear Flay,

You won't believe what just happened. I met my ex-best friend, Strike. He was all brooding and stuff and kept on implying that we were still friends. I returned the bird that I gave him (which flew off) and he was all, "A friend gave it to me!" I wanted to yell at him and say, "Well, guess what? I ain't your friend anymore!" But then, he just had to say that it was a 'special gift' from a 'special person'. So I started thinking that maybe we still had a chance, but then he goes all high-and-mighty again and raises a beam sword at me! What's worse, he killed my friend! Blitz was the only one who listened to me on the team! The only one who tried to look for me when I went MIA! I feel so hurt and angry and depressed and suicidal and murderous and homicidal, all at once! And as if to rub salt to my wounds, remember that girl that I told you about? Guess who she turned out to be! The Princess of a messed-up country! Gods! A princess! She didn't even look like one! Why does everyone keep lying to me!

Aegis

-

Dear Aegis,

Er… have you thought about seeing a psychiatrist? Those are very bad feelings that you're experiencing! I think everyone keeps lying to you because you're letting them! Next time someone says something like that to you, point a gun at him/her! And what are you planning to do to Strike? Aw… I'm very sorry about your friend. Poor thing. But at least he didn't get sliced in half and had spent his last few seconds in agonizing pain! Wait a minute… Don't tell me he did! Aw… Now, I'm certain that you know what to do! No more hesitating, okay?

Keep me posted!

Love,

Flay

-

-

Dear Flay,

I feel so confused… First, I broke up with my girlfriend and then another problem comes up. See, I told Aegis that he was my friend. I was kinda hoping that we'd patch up and return our friendship back to the way it was but after I saw him again, I felt like I just had to kill him, know what I'm saying? I'm sure you do. Well, anyway, as I was saying, when his mobile suit was lying oh-so-helplessly in front of mine, I just couldn't help but remember all the times that he got me into trouble when we were kids. Did you know that he actually stole my first ever girlfriend from me? Ha! Who's the traitor, huh! So I raised my beam sword high above my mobile suit's head and I was ready to bring it down, when suddenly, another mobile suit appears out of nowhere and tries to hit me! So I did what any normal person would do, I ducked and swung my sword at him! Then, suddenly, it's my own fault! To make things worse, I lost another beam sword. It's quite expensive, you know. I'm just so confused and I feel so alone…

Strike

-

Dear Strike,

Well, guess what, you jerk? It's your fault that you're alone! First, you break up with your girlfriend who has done nothing but good things to you! Sure she bossed you around, but who do you think cleans up your stinking cockpit! You self-centered jerk! It's always about you! What about your girlfriend's needs, huh? ARGH! I don't even know why I'm answering your letter! As of now, I'm officially helping Aegis on this one! I hope he gets you!

Good riddance!

Flay

-

-

Dear Flay,

Hi, I LOVE your column. It seems really straight forward, not giving any trick answers, or riddles and such. Hence, I am writing to you. My problem is as follows.

I'm a teenager, and the problem is I don't find _any_ boys attractive. I mean, I do like the opposite gender, but all the guys I interact with are complete idiots! I mean, I've never had a crush for longer than 5 minutes! What's wrong with me? What do you think I should do? I mean, is it silly that I want someone who actually has a brain and cares about grades? All the other girls don't seem to care, but I really do.

Please help me, your fan and desperate client,

Maiden of Sin

P.S. I just adore your hair, where do you get it done?

-

Dear Maiden of Sin,

Thanks for the flattering words but I already knew that! Who doesn't like my column? It's the best thing on this sorry little newspaper! It's the sole reason why so many people find this shitty publication so endearing! Me! I'm the reason! Now back to your query, you like brainy guys, eh? Well, it's not your fault most of the guys in the world are idiots. Look at me! I find Kira attractive. He's smart. And he looks much better than Sai. But on the other hand, look at where it got me! DUMPED! You shouldn't feel pressured to have a crush just because every one has one! There's nothing wrong with you! You just said that you LOVE my column; so obviously, you are a girl with very high tastes. Good-looking guys SUCK! Hmmm… makes me think… maybe I should go for Kuzzey next! Anyway, what completely matters is what you think.

Hope I helped!

Love,

Flay

PS. You think so? It's a secret! But if you're really curious, here's a hint: I'm stuck in a warship… a crewmate fixes my hair. :P Guess who?

-

**-**

**FANFIC REVIEW**

**by Orga Sabnak**

I am so dead tired. Between my responsibilities for this newspaper, harsher training -and- my rocky love life, I feel so -drained-. And quite so suddenly, a lot of people have submitted their fics for me to review! And it's all thanks to C-Town Chica who took the risk and entrusted her fic! Well, this is getting out-of-character for me…

Now, I've decided to review something from Vicarious Lurker, _'Wings of Words'_. (Angel of Dreams, you're next! And Maiden of Sin, I'm going for SEED fics. Allie Night, sorry but I didn't get the link to your story.)

_Wings of Words_ is a series of one-shots/drabbles spanning 25 chapters. It contains characters from SEED and Destiny alike with canon pairings. The genre is vast; containing angst, humor, romance, and drama pieces. It contains spoilers, obviously.

The main point of the fic is that it delves into each of the characters' minds, introspections, and their relationships with, dare we say, partners.

Now, if you're up for some good, short reads, I'd highly recommend it. But if you want a mondo, multi-chaptered, plot-ridden fic, find something else. It is basically for light reading, in short.

I especially enjoyed the Yzak/Shiho and the Athrun/Cagalli ones because of the humor. That e-mail from Dearka too. But, geez, why is it always about them? What about us, background characters! Huh? Take Asagi and me, for example! I bet if people would just realize what a swell couple we'd make, we won't be having so much trouble with our relationship! For those of you who are wondering, yes! She broke up with me! Apparently, some stupid guy from a really shitty magazine gave her the idea to dump me and to pilot a mobile suit! When I find out who the hell that guy is, I'm gonna lock all of Calamity's weapons on him and I'll blast him into pieces… Then, I'll kill him!

Ahem… Going back to the subject at hand…

Well, technicality-wise, your grammar is proficient – and that includes sentence construction, as well as spelling. The theme and the writing style remind me of a fic I once read in the GetBackers section, "A GetBackers Drabble Collection" by Really Bad Eggs. Have you, per chance, read that?

Anyway, go read it now!

…

Wait, wait, wait! I meant, go read it -after- you finish reading this paper -and- leaving a review…

Ugh… I need a break.

**-**

**-**

**MESSAGE BOARD**

**-**

**-**

Azrael,

Whatdowedo, whatdowedo, whatdowedo! The Archangel is getting closer to JOSH-A! We can't have it anywhere near here! We're screwed! I know! Maybe we could activate you-know-what! We'll get rid of that blasted ship -and- ZAFT! Whatchathink! I need your reply ASAP!

Sutherland

-

Yzak-honey-bunny,

Oh, so you're ignoring me now, huh! And after I sent that expensive tube of ZAFT's scar removal cream! But I forgive you, my love! Again, allow me to profess my undying love for you! I love you, Yzak! Marry me!

From your secret admirer

-

Le Creuset,

Spit-Break was passed. Haha. Now we can blast all those stinking Naturals to kingdom come! Then, we'll SPIT on their rotting carcasses and BREAK their bones in the process! Get it! SPIT and BREAK? Hahaha… Oh, forget it. Anyway, this is top-secret, got that? The original target is… Panama! (hehe. I may be insane but I ain't stupid.)

Zala

-

Kira…

HOW COULD YOU! You MURDERED Nicol! MURDERER! MURDERER! I'll kill you next time we meet, you hear that! Um, wait. Let me rephrase that… I'll kill you next time we meet, you -read- that! And here's a little something for you, too! Hey everyone! Listen up! Did you know that Kira didn't stop wetting his bed until we were 12! Ooh, ooh! And here's another one! He flunked Micro Units when we were kids! And his feet stink! And he's also a cry-baby! Oh, wait…everyone knows that…

Out to get you,

Athrun

-

Kira,

Oh, so after all that we've been through, you're just gonna break up with me! Well, you've got another thing coming! The only way we'll split up is if you're in hell! How could you? I gave you my all, Kira! If you know what I mean! Ugh! I should have listened to Mr. Murdoch! While he was giving me my usual treatment, he told me that you were only after my (censored)!

Flay

-

To the Archangel

Bon voyage. And thanks for bringing back our Prince…ss. Now, don't ever come back here, okay! Your curse didn't rub off on us because Haumea protected us but I'm not so sure if she'll still be willing to do it the second time around… So, farewell! Forever!

Hoping we'll never see you EVER again,

The Emirs of Orb

-

To the Editor-In-Chief

I have received your offer for a position in your prestigious (sarcasm) newspaper. However, I regret to inform you that I have already accepted a job for…er… a pink-haired someone. It requires my full attention and even part-time jobs are out of the question. Thank you for considering me nonetheless.

Sincerely,

Martin Da Costa

PS. Might I add, that I earn quadruple than the amount that you proposed to me.

-

Talia

Meet me at the usual place. Make sure your husband doesn't find out this time.

Gil

PS. Don't worry. Rey, the blond kid, is at Rau's.

-

Gilbert,

Stop corrupting my… er… my… son? No, that's not right… Clone? Twin? Double? Doppelganger? Anyway, stop corrupting Rey's mind! You and your (sneer) girlfriend better find somewhere else (a motel perhaps)! You've been giving the child nightmares! He won't stop crying! You should schedule those (sneer) activities when you're not babysitting for Rey!

Rau

PS. If Rey 'sees' you at it again, I'm telling your girlfriend's husband. Oh, and I ran out of pills. Send some over.

-

-

-

**Editor-in-chief: **mumyou nanashi

**News Editor: **Ledonir Kisaka

**Feature Editor: **Erika Simmons

**Writers: **Shani Andras

Crot Buer

Asagi Caldwell

Juri Wu Nien

Mayura Labatt

**Regular Columnists: **Murrue Ramius

Flay Allster

Orga Sabnak


	6. Volume 1 Issue 6

**SEED MONTHLY**

**-**

* * *

**-**

**Volume 1 Issue 6**

**-**

* * *

**-**

**Message from the Editor**

**-**

It has been very trying times for us. First, our Fanfic Reviewer, Orga Sabnak filed for a leave of absence. Something to do with love and work problems. Whatever that means. And then, ALL of my news reporters quit on me because of some stupid gig with their respective militaries! I mean, come on! Can't they work and write at the same time! Curse the war!

Plus, I'm being sued for murder and homicide. Yes, folks. You heard, or rather, read right. I'm currently in the market for a very good lawyer, but rest assured. This is not a cause for panic. I can manage! Really I can! All I ask is for some support, and I'll be sure to report the court proceedings in a very un-biased manner.

Yeah, right.

I'm crumbling here! I admit it! I'm suffering from the dreaded writer's block! Last time I checked, it took me months just to get this issue up and going! I'm in the middle of a breakdown, folks. Please bear with me.

Which reminds me, is it me or is the whole staff on the verge of an emotional breakdown? Just wondering.

As always, please send in your comments, suggestions, reviews, contributions, hate-mail, etc. via the 'Go' button below or email me/us at mumyou (underscore) nanashi (at) yahoo (dot) com (dot) ph. For subscriptions, please click on the 'Add Story to Story Alerts'. For other published works, click on 'Add Author to Author Alert.'

It works. :)

**-**

* * *

**-**

**NEWS**

**-**

**READERS SUE EDITOR-IN-CHIEF**

Nanashi Mumyou (or mumyou nanashi – whichever), the Editor-in-Chief of the international publication, SEED Monthly, is currently being sued for attempted murder and for libel and defamation of character/s.

Several readers have filed cases of "death by uncontrollable laughter." One in particular, Mr. or Miss pingballz "almost suffocated from laughing too much." And a Miss yuugiri stated that the publication was "killing her."

"Hey, it's not my fault they find it funny," Miss Nanashi was quoted as to saying. "My job is to report the news as it is! Not to make them laugh or anything…"

Some military personnel have also filed for libel and defamation of character. Kira Yamato was among those who have signed for a petition regarding the closing down of the publication. "It's just not fair, you know? She's always making me look like a cry-baby!" he cried.

Miss Nanashi has this to say, "Pft!" she blew a raspberry. "Not my fault either!"

-

**ZALA TEAM, DISBANDED**

The newly-formed Zala Team was reported to have disbanded following the unfortunate events of last week.

Commander Rau Le Creuset formed a new team consisting of the members of his Le Creuset team, prior to having been recalled to the PLANTs by newly-elected ZAFT Chairman Patrick Zala. Athrun Zala, son of Patrick Zala, was assigned as team leader because of his amazing (_yeah, right_) leadership skills.

Immediately mere days after the team was formed, Nicol Amarfi was killed in action, and two more members, Athrun Zala – the team leader _himself_ – and Dearka Elthman were reported missing in action after a bout with the accursed ship, the Archangel.

Yzak Joule, the only remaining member of the Zala Team, was thankfully available for comment. "Yeah, Nicol's dead. Dearka's missing," he growled. "But Athrun's alive, dangnabit! He's friggin' alive! Of all the members to be left alive, it had to be him!"

Further snooping around has made us to think that Zala is being reassigned to a special task force unit reporting directly under the ZAFT Chairman himself. The saying, "friends (or fathers, -cough-) in high places…" comes to mind.

**-**

**SOLDIER COMPLAINS OF BAD TREATMENT FROM NEUTRAL COUNTRY**

A ZAFT soldier, who wishes to remain anonymous, complained of mistreatment from the supposed-neutral country of Orb.

The country of Orb has always remained steadfast to its beliefs that it is a neutral nation, despite ZAFT's allegations of its hand in the Earth Alliance Forces' G-Project. The Zala Team, in pursuit of the black ship of the EA, landed near Orb territory. Due to a series of unfortunate events, the ZAFT soldier ended up in Orb custody, where he was held at gunpoint.

In an exclusive interview with the ZAFT soldier, he revealed, or rather, _let slip _that it was none other than Princess Cagalli Yula Athha herself who pointed the weapon at him.

"When I woke up, she was standing a foot away from me, with a gun in her hand. She shoved it in my face and demanded to know who killed 'Kira'," the soldier confessed.

The Princess, on the other hand, countered his allegations. "That's bull s(bleep)t! I gave him my good luck charm afterwards! That jerk!"

**-**

**ARCHANGEL CREW ACCUSED OF P.O.W. MALTREATMENT **

Another faction alleged with malevolent treatment to its captives is the EA ship, Archangel. Reports state that a stabbing and shooting incident occurred in the medical bay of the Earth Alliance warship, the Archangel.

The cocky ZAFT soldier, who wishes to remain anonymous as well, exposed the Archangel's hostile treatment to injured soldiers such as himself. "The crying chick drove a friggin' knife on my head! Then her buddy, the red-head, pointed a gun at me! And as if that wasn't enough, they always forget to feed me regularly!" the blond seethed behind bars.

The Archangel was unavailable for comment, but Rau Le Creuset, who was strangely in Alaska, offered his two-cents' worth. "The EA and Orb are obviously in ca-hoots with each other, as shown with how they treat their hostages. Me? When I get my hands on a soldier from the enemy side, I'll treat them hospitably," he ended with a sneer.

**-**

**ARCHANGEL FACING COURT MARTIAL**

The Earth Alliance warship is currently facing court martial, to which the reasons are still unknown.

The reason why the Archangel was unavailable for comment in the previous reports was because its officers were being court-martialed by the higher echelons of the EA. Rumors have circulated among the officers that several of them will be reassigned to different stations, and that the rest will be left in JOSH-A as defenses for the upcoming ZAFT attack.

Sources report that Blue Cosmos leader, Murata Azrael, is actually behind this.

**-**

**BLIND PRIEST RALLIES FOR PEACE – AGAIN**

What may be deemed as part two of Reverend Malchio's attempts at re-uniting Naturals and Coordinators took place at the PLANT Supreme Council in Aprillius One.

This time around, the blind priest presented Earth Alliance Secretary-General Olbani's compromise plan to the PLANT Supreme Council where it was immediately rejected by new Chairman, Patrick Zala.

"I'm not as lenient as Siegel," Chairman Zala was quoted saying. "Peace talks are long over with! It's time to bring out the big guns!"

Reverend Malchio, who immediately left for the Clyne residences carrying a suspicious looking human-shaped bundle, was unavailable for comment.

**-**

* * *

**-**

**ADVERTISEMENTS**

**-**

MISSING: Tan, blond, and (gag) handsome. My best bud, Dearka Elthman, was labeled MIA after the clash with that blasted legged-ship. Something tells me that he's still alive (well, that 'something' being that he still owes me big money). I'm willing to pay money in exchange for his whereabouts. Contact Yzak Joule of ZAFT. (As for Zala, I couldn't care less)

-

JOB OPPORUNITIES! BABES WITH HUGE BOOBIES! FREE FOOD! ROOM ACCOMODATIONS! If you're looking for these kinds of requirements for your next job, then you're the one for us! We're currently looking for a new Gundam pilot and a new Jetfighter/Skygrasper pilot. It doesn't matter if you're a Coordinator! Just make sure that you can kick ass! Look for Lieutenant Natarle Badgiruel at the Archangel.

**-**

FOR SALE: Green, vintage robotic bird. Extremely smart and has a built-in homing device and defense mechanism. Lots of uses and purposes. All for a low, low price. May also be for FREE if you want. Anything to get that bird out of my hair. Interested buyers may call Flay Allster at the Archangel.

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WANTED: Smart subordinates. Must NOT be know-it-alls, androgynous, or smart-alecky. Must be willing to obey orders, insulted and get shouted at. Contact Yzak Joule of ZAFT.

-

The Weapon-Inventors and Specialist Society is hosting its annual convention on Armory One. The theme for this year is "Weapons of Mass Destruction." Inventors are encouraged to sign up for the exhibit-cum-contest. The Grand Prize will be a multi-million Earth dollar contract with ZAFT. For tickets and inquiries, please call 1-800-EARTH-GO-KA-BOOM.

-

URGENTLY NEEDED: Lawyer. Must specialize in libel and murder cases. Contact nanashi through this publication. I'll throw in free ad space for your services, if you want.

**-**

OBITUARY

KIRA YAMATO (C.E. 55 – C.E. 71) and TOLLE KOENIG (C.E. 55 – C.E. 71)

Loyal Friends and Comrades

The Pieces of Your Machines Will Forever Remind Us of Your Gruesome Deaths

From Sai Argyle, Miriallia Haww, Kuzzey Buskirk, and Flay Allster

**-**

* * *

- 

**FEATURE**

**-**

**-**

**HOW TO SURVIVE MILITARY LIFE**

**By Murrue Ramius**

**-**

I'm being court-martialed. Hard to believe, but very true. Okay, so maybe after all of Natarle's 'reports', I should have seen it coming. But the main question of the evening is why in hell I let the Wimpy Coordinator Pilot in my ship. What was I supposed to do, leave him for dead? It's not like I immediately noticed that he was a Coordinator that moment I laid eyes on him! And I wasn't about to leave behind the only freakin' guy who could pilot the damned thing!

I should've talked back. I really should. I tried, but they wouldn't listen! Now, we all know that no one messes with Captain Murrue Ramius and gets away with it! The Archangel wasn't named the Cursed Ship of the EA for nothing, you know!

D - esert

I - diots

T - o

C - ope with

H - azards

Allow me to elaborate. They expect us to stay at Alaska as defense on the rare occurrence that ZAFT changes its mind and, consequently, its target to JOSH-A. Yeah, right. The minute I get my chance, I'm going to high-tail it out of here and reveal the Earth Forces' secrets to the entire world! Kiss and Tell!

Which reminds me, now that the Wimpy Pilot is AWOL, I might as well get rid of the Girlfriend…

**-**

**-**

**ASK FLAY**

**(This is a no-nonsense, straight-to-the-point advice column by Flay Allster)**

**-**

Dear Flay,

I just lost my boyfriend in the war. He acted impulsively (and rather moronically) while we were being attacked. He sortie-d despite the captain's very feeble warnings and just minutes after he launched on the fighter plane, he got shot down. I know that what he did was very heroic (if not idiotic), but I still feel alone and inconsolable. I was just recovering from the shock and pain of losing him when this very handsome young man came into my life. He's from the _other side_, if you know what I mean, and he's here as a POW. He was quite obnoxious at first, but as time passed, he proved to be sort of nice, after all. The thing of it is, at one point on our blooming relationship, I tried to kill him. Is that a bad thing? Will it affect our future interactions with each other?

Thanks,

Carrot-top

**-**

Dear Carrot-top,

You _tried_ to kill him? But you _failed_? Boy, do you need some help. How can you possibly miss? You sound like someone I know! -cough- Cagalli -cough- Well, anyway, what's done is done…

But of course! It will affect future interactions with each other! I mean, come on! You tried to kill the guy and you expect him to fall in love with you? That's a looooong shot, sister. I suggest you to sit down with him, and tell him why you tried to kill him. Communication is the key to misunderstandings. Now, as always, I suggest that you get him to cross over to your side, to ensure that your 'blooming relationship' will continue to, er, bloom.

Love,

Flay

**-**

Dear Flay,

Help! I'm being court-martialed!

Your superior,

Kick-Ass Vice Cap'n

-

Dear Kick-Ass Vice Cap'n,

It's every woman for herself, honey.

Love,

Flay

-

Dear Flay,

Hi, it's me again, Pink Pop Idol. Remember me? I just wrote to tell you that I've got Haro, right over here! Sure, he's a bit angst-ridden right now, but all will change in due time. He's beginning to open up to me, albeit very slowly. Anyway, I'm sure everything will turn out okay in the end. It always does for me!

Love,

Pink Pop Idol

-

Dear Pink Pop Idol,

Did you write just to gloat?

Just asking.

Love,

Flay

PS. Hands off the merchandise, b(bleep)h!

-

Hey Flay,

Your column just makes laugh SO MUCH...and I find them very helpful as well P. Okay, going straight to the issue...my friends and I have formed an alliance known as ASUCAGA...eerm, yea, and we're currently hating the scriptwriter for DESTINY...um, I mean, a third-wheel for our two best friends, Akatsuki and Savior. I mean, they are meant to be together and Savior proposed, even! How the heck did they 'break-up' (our suspicions)...?Argh, we're at a homicidal level to hunt that Fukada guy down...

From Scriptwriter-Must-Die

-

Dear Scriptwriter-Must-Die,

Teehee! Props for the very creative name. I must say, it is quite…visually stimulating. You don't know how much I loathe him after finding out that he was planning to kill me just because he wanted to put a RESOLUTION TO THE KIRA AND LACUS PAIRING!

(huff, puff)

Oh, what in the world am I saying! Silly me! Please forgive my sudden outburst. I tend to say things I don't mean – and don't understand – nowadays.

Anyway… pardon me, but… who's Savior and Akatsuki? Not really sure if I know them… But with hunting down Fukada, hey, I'm in!

Love,

Flay

**-**

**-**

**VILLAINY FOR DUMMIES**

**By Rau Le Creuset**

**-**

This will be short. Really. Why? Mainly because this publication isn't paying me enough for a filler column. Imagine! Me! The Great Rau Le Creuset, a filler writer? That's unheard of! (_ed. It is now._)

This is for all those aspiring antagonists out there.

FAÇADE. For this Gundam series, you may notice the trend of the real villains working behind the scenes. For example, I chose to let Azrael hog all the camera, while I pulled all the strings. The same goes true for my successor and best friend, several years from now.

PAST. It also helps if you have a tragic past. A tragic past gives you an excuse to do whatever the hell you feel like doing. Consider me. I'm a failed clone. So that gives me a reason to blow up the world. Amazing how these things work.

APPEARANCE. The mask. Hah. Gotta love the mask. Makes me all mysterious-like. And we all know that 'mysterious' is equivalent to 'handsome'. Plus, I'm a hot blond! Ooh! And the sneers! Gotta love the sneers and the evil smirks!

MINIONS. I have the Le Creuset Team under my beck and call. Just a snap of my fingers and voila! There they are, practically fighting over my orders. Heh. It helps when you appear all father-like to them.

EVIL PLOT. 'Plot, what plot?' Hehe. Of course I have a plot. It's simple. And easy to understand. Blow up everyone. Simple.

Now, that's all this vile publication paid me to do. I may not be as good with acronyms as my fellow writer, Murrue Ramius, but at least I got the point across. A couple of publishers have been asking me to write a book about this subject, but it's still in the works. I would love to be an example of a good villain to aspiring anti-heroes everywhere.

**-**

* * *

**-**

**MESSAGE BOARD**

**-**

Azrael,

Meet me in the usual place and the usual time. Bring the goodies.

Not-Rau

-

To the moron who keeps on sending me those scar-removal creams,

Stop! I'll only remove this car if and when I witness Strike's gruesome death by my hands. If you don't 'cease and desist', I'll be forced to add you to the list of people I want to kill.

From Duel

-

To Cagalli,

It wasn't me who complained about maltreatment! Honest! It was some other unnamed guy who thought his interrogator was you. It was a simple case of mistaken identity!

Athrun

-

Chairman Zala,

The plans for Operation SB are A-OK!

Le Creuset

P.S. Your son's doing fine. He had his arm broken, his ego deflated, and his emotions ransacked, but other than that, he's doing fine.

-

Sutherland,

I've got the perfect plan to wipe out ZAFT and the Archangel! Meet me at that quaint coffee shop just in the outskirts of JOSH-A. Bring chips and drinks and a friend or two.

Azrael

-

To Siegel,

I think Zala's up to something. If that maniacal gleam in his eyes and the way he mutters to himself doesn't scream 'CRAZY!', I don't know what!

Your concerned and TRUE friend,

Canaver

-

Orga,

Please stop stalking me! I'm piloting the Astray and that's final! And you know who gave that stupid advice to me? It was you, you dumb butt!

Love,

Asagi

**-**

* * *

**-**

**Editor-in-chief: **mumyou nanashi

**News Editor: **Ledonir Kisaka

**Feature Editor: **Erika Simmons

**Writers: **Shani Andras

Crot Buer

Asagi Caldwell

Juri Wu Nien

Mayura Labatt

**Regular Columnists: **Murrue Ramius

Flay Allster

Orga Sabnak

**Cover Illustrator: **MapleRose


	7. Volume 1 Issue 7

**-**

**SEED Monthly**

**-**

**Volume 1 Issue 7**

**-**

**Message from the Editor**

**-**

You might be thinking, '_Woah! A new issue? In just a month?'_ This little editor has decided that this little newspaper has been ignored for far too long. (-sigh-) Okay, I confess. It has come to my attention that a new 'zine has made itself known to the public… with some of my writers on the staff no less (-glares at aforementioned writers-). Bunch of traitors… Well, (-tight smile-) best of luck to the staff of '_GSEED The Ultimate Magazine_'.

I'm feeling rather upset (and childish) today. What with the blatant disregard for journalism ethics running amok and Lacus Clyne's cancelled concert (there better be ticket refunds of there'll be hell to pay!), this editor is clearly not a happy camper…

Well! Going back to regular programming… What have we got for this issue? An editorial column from a contributor! The return of our Interviews Column! Plus, a new (albeit, temporary) advice columnist!

The staff of SEED Monthly thank all of our loyal supporters and readers. For subscriptions, please click on 'Add Story to Story Alert'. For comments and criticisms, please leave a review. For advertisements, instant messages (for the message board), contributions, etc., please leave a review or email the editor-in-chief at mumyou (underscore) nanashi (at) yahoo (dot) com (dot) ph.

Thanks and hope you enjoy this early issue!

- mumyou nanashi

PS. To ArchAngel, thanks for the message, dearie. I appreciate it. Us girls have to stick together, right? But the complainants have yet to contact me… Seems like they finally decided to drop the charges! I've got my fingers crossed! Haha! A black sheep! (-uneasy smile-) Now, where did that come from, I wonder?

**-**

**NEWS**

**-**

**FREEDOM GUNDAM STOLEN!**

**By Juri Wu Nien**

One of ZAFT's newest mobile suits, the ZGMF-10A FREEDOM, was reported stolen last May 5 by military officials.

Patrick Zala, the current Chairman of the PLANTs and Head of ZAFT, was literally steaming with rage when the reports came in. The Freedom was one of the most heavily guarded equipment in the base and yet, it was stolen under their noses, like taking candy from a baby. The 'candy' in question was reported to being installed with a state-of-the-art Neutron Jammer Canceller.

The NJC, as the name implies, is capable of nullifying the effects of the N-Jammer, and thus allowing the mobile suit to operate using nuclear energy. No wonder Zala is throwing temper tantrums.

The perpetrator was, surprisingly, pop-idol Lacus Clyne. Video evidence showed her and a brown-haired young man wearing a ZAFT uniform in the scene of the crime shortly before the theft. This publication tried to get Miss Clyne's side, but she was unavailable for comment.

**-**

**ALASKA BASE, TRASHED!**

**By Mayura Labatt**

Following the trend of every friggin' territory that the Archangel has passed, the Joint Supreme Headquarters – Alaska, or JOSH-A, was completely destroyed.

Shortly before the attack on the Alaska base, ZAFT had leaked information that the target of Operation Spitbreak was Panama. But it seems as if it was only a decoy to catch the EA unaware. The true target was JOSH-A all along. ZAFT's full force attacked the base, and because most of the base's defending and attacking force were sent to Panama, the Alaskan base was, quite frankly, a sitting duck.

For the first few moments of Operation Spitbreak, it seemed as if ZAFT would finally win the war. But then, the tables were turned when a suicidal attack obliterated everything within the immediate vicinity. It seems as if the double-crossers were double-crossed.

It should be noted, however, that the Archangel was present when the attack took place.

**-**

**CLYNE, BRANDED 'TRAITOR'**

**By Crot Buer**

Due to the Freedom Theft incident and the information leakage regarding the true target of Operation Spitbreak, Siegel Clyne, former Chairman of the PLANTs and co-founder of the then-Zodiac Alliance, was accused as a traitor by his successor and ex-best friend, Patrick Zala.

His daughter, pop-idol Lacus Clyne, was charged with the theft of the X10A-Freedom while Siegel Clyne himself was accused of having given the information to the Earth Alliance Forces resulting in the death of so many ZAFT soldiers.

As of this writing, the Clyne Family was reported to have dug a hole to escape from Patrick Zala's clutches.

**-**

**FANS OF LACUS CLYNE DEMAND A REFUND**

**By Shani Andras**

The whole Clyne Family, having been branded as traitors to the PLANTs, have gone into hiding, thus resulting to the canceling of Lacus Clyne's up-and-coming concert.

Enraged fans have rallied up to the PLANT Supreme Council Headquarters demanding to have the traitor-image be temporarily withheld.

"At least let her finish the concert first!" an angry fan demanded (which eerily resembled a particular editor-in-chief). "Afterwards, they can lock her up, torture her or interrogate her for all I care!"

Another equally hostile fan, a silver-haired ZAFT Red Coat, summed up everyone's thoughts in the matter in just one word. "S(bleep)T!"

**-**

**ZALA-CLYNE NUPTIALS CANCELLED**

**By Asagi Caldwell**

The most awaited wedding of the year has been cancelled, thanks to the bride's kleptomaniac tendencies.

Athrun Zala and Lacus Clyne, today's most celebrated couple, had had a falling out, sources say. It may be attributed to the fact that Miss Clyne is on top of Patrick Zala's, Athrun's father, most wanted list. Miss Clyne was clearly one of the, if not _the_, perpetrator of the Freedom Theft Incident.

A clearly heart-broken Athrun was seen rushing off to Junius Five's White Symphony Theater, carrying a pink Haro. This publication tried to get his side, but he was too distraught to respond properly. We assure our reader, however, that we will get his side no matter what.

They were such a cute couple!

**-**

**EDITORIAL**

**-**

**Why Naturals Hate Us So**

**By Tan-Blond-and-Handsome**

**-**

I know editors are the only ones allowed to write editorials, but please, give me a break here! You have no friggin' idea how terrible and lonely it is to be locked up behind bars with the girl who tried – and almost succeeded – to kill you as the only one who bothers to give you food.

Now, for the record, I am a ZAFT soldier, being held prisoner at possibly one of the worst battleships known to man. I am a Coordinator, duh? For sixteen years of my life, I have lived with the lie that all was well with the world. That there was peace. Well, screw peace! Just a month before my sixteenth birthday, a space colony got blasted by some two-faced Naturals.

I was old enough then, to understand why it happened, unlike some people I know (_cough_Athrun_cough_). They hated us. Why? Because, apparently, it wasn't godly to mess with one's genes. Well, what a bunch of hypocrites they were! Was it godly then, to kill our kind? Hah. If they would just admit that they were jealous because we were so much better than them and just kiss our collective asses, then all would've been fine with the world. We could've died satisfied, knowing the truth of their obvious jealousy towards us.

The Earth Alliance Forces, more properly termed as the Oppose Militancy & Neutralize Invasion Enforcers (what a dumb name), are a bunch of jealous losers. And that is final.

Of course, it doesn't help that I've just got my ass kicked by a bunch of PMSing Natural girls…

**-**

**ADVERTISEMENTS**

**-**

NEEDED: Loyal Crusaders. Must be Pro-Clyne and able to keep secrets. Buy Lacus Clyne's CDs, bring proof of purchase and contact Martin DaCosta.

**-**

WANTED: New Advice Columnist. Please submit your resumés and credentials to the editor-in-chief. Our last columnist may have departed to the Great Beyond, but we assure you that she did not die while on duty.

-

NEEDED: New Base. Our last one just got busted…by ourselves, no less. We also need thousands of soldiers to enlist to replace the ones that got, er, microwaved. Great funeral benefits and lifetime pensions! Go to the nearest EA base near you!

-

MISSING: Freedom Gundam. Anyone who can give relevant information will be highly rewarded. Please contact Athrun Zala in Reverend Malchio's island.

**-**

JOSH-A Cremation Services! Have a dead loved one and don't know where to bury him/her? Funeral lots being filled up by corpses at an inhuman rate? Killed someone and want to destroy the evidence? Well, we've got just the thing for you! With our state-of-the-art Cyclops System, we assure you that nothing will be left of your loved one! So get call us today and watch your loved one be vaporized to bits!

-

Reverend Malchio now offering exorcism packages. We offer big discounts to big ships like the ARCHANGEL. Call Reverend Malchio at his remote island. On second thought… just email him at sightlesshunk (at) remote-islands (dot) com (dot) orb

**-**

**FEATURE**

**-**

**HOW TO SURVIVE MILITARY LIFE**

**By Murrue Ramius**

**-**

Why, oh why, does everything we cross paths with meet their respective dooms? I mean, wasn't this ship blessed or anything? Alaska has just been cooked – microwaved, to be precise – with us almost being caught "well-done", if you catch my drift.

After having us court-martialed because of the most stupid reason (i.e. having Kira on-board), they take away the Chestless Vice-Captain, the Slutty Girlfriend and, of all people, the Hentai Commander! I mean, god! It was okay that they had the first two re-assigned, but to include the Commander as well? Oh, that is just asking for it! I know I said I was annoyed at him at first, but he kind of grows on you… like a fungus.

Anyway, to make things short, they left me _alone_ with the brats. How the hell am I supposed to take care of hormone-induced teenagers all by my lonesome? Then, they say, "Oh, blah-di-blah-di-blah, stay here and act as back-up, blah-di-blah-di-blah" when they meant, "Stay here and get _cooked_." They almost frickin' killed us! Those a(bleep)s!

Allow me to regain my composure.

So, we did the only sensible thing to do when your superiors decide to kill you (as seen in our previous lessons):

**H –** ide

**I – **n

**D –** aftest

**E – **nemy Country

The daftest enemy country being ORB. Ah, those schmucks. See? It helps to establish connections! And for those who are curious, I got my Hentai Commander back!

**-**

**ASK FLAY YZAK**

**(This is a no-nonsense, straight-to-the-point advice column by Flay Allster Yzak Joule)**

-

Note from the Editor:

_This fic was formerly manned (or wo-manned) by Flay Allster. Please be informed that due to unfavorable and unfortunate circumstances, this column will be taken over by Mr. Yzak Joule for an indefinite period of time (or until we get a new replacement) Miss Allster has gone MIA on us… or maybe she has cast lots on the _other_ publication (-glares-). For the mean time, we hope Mr. Joule will serve as a better columnist than Miss Allster._

**-**

Dear Flay,

Are you still in charge of your advice column? I mean, do they still pay you to write it even though you're disembarking from the AA?

Anyway, if you are still writing a column, I could use some advice...

You see, there's this guy, let's call him Mobieus, who I think I've fallen in love with. But the problem is, he's leaving soon, because he's changing his job (or rather, his boss /ordered/ him to change his job). I'm pretty sure he doesn't want to leave, though I'm not sure how he feels about me. The thing is, should I tell him how I feel before he leaves? Is there even a point? I mean, it's not like I have the authority to make him stay...

-- ArchAngel

-

Archangel,

(Please read above note) So, I guess you're stuck with me then, huh? Let's see, what a sucky boss you have! Me, if I were your commander, I'd certainly tolerate relationships between my subordinates to form. Then, they'd procreate, and I'd have even more minions! Haha!

Anyway, DO NOT TELL HIM HOW YOU FEEL! That would just further distract in him his duties. And as a soldier, that is highly un-recommended. There isn't a point because military orders are ABSOLUTE and FINAL. Now, if you'd rather he'd stay… then, I suggest that you defect.

Hope that helps.

Yzak

-

Dear Yzak (because I know Flay has dropped off the face of the earth),

I have a problem, someone has copied my work… Or at least I think she did. I'm not sure. Hehe.

Nameless

-

Nameless,

You know that I have taken over this column even before it was made public knowledge… You must have high connections. Anyway, write to me again when you make up your mind. For the meantime, stop bugging me, you ego-centric freak!

Yzak

-

Dear Flay,

I'm a ZAFT soldier, currently being held prisoner by the Earth Alliance. The thing is, a girl and her friend (both from the EA) tried to kill me. Now, nothing is strange in this picture, but the girl suddenly comes around and actually saves me. What the heck is up with that? My problem is this: Do you think there is a slight chance that all will be normal with me?

TanBlondandHandsome

-

Freak,

Normal? Hah! I suggest you commit suicide, buddy, before you fall in love with that Natural b(bleep)h and defect.

Yzak

PS. The next time you mail me with that name, I'll kill you.

-

**MESSAGE BOARD**

**-**

To GeniusBob,

Unfortunately, the Editor-In-Chief did not appreciate my anti-hero sentiments (read: was too cheap to get my services) so, no, Villainy for Dummies will forever remain as a 'one-shot'. I, however, wish you luck on your antagonistic endeavors.

From Commander Rau Le Creuset

PS. I suggest stealing or getting backing from rich officials for the next step.

**-**

Le Creuset,

What the hell happened, you masked idiot! The whole bloody armada got sunk! The blasted Naturals knew that we were coming and even prepared a welcome party, you schmuck! Find out who leaked the information, or else I'd demote you six feet under, if you get what I mean!

Zala

-

Not-Rau a.k.a. that handsome rouge,

Thanks for the tip!

Azrael

-

Lacus,

I arrived safely on earth. Er… if you call being almost microwaved to death, 'safe'. Take care over there.

Kira

PS. If you see Athrun, tell him that after getting almost fried, it'd be a relief to see him.

-

To ZAFT,

We beat you! We beat you! We beat you! We beat you! We beat you! We beat you! We beat you! We beat you! We beat you! We beat you! We beat you! We beat you! We beat you! We beat you! We beat you! We beat you! We beat you! We beat you! We beat you! We beat you! We beat you! We beat you! We beat you!

Who's the dumb Natural, now?

From The Earth Forces

**-**

To Orb,

Word has it that the Archangel is headed that-a-way. You better prepare for the full-scale war that will follow it.

From a VERY concerned citizen

**-**

**UPCLOSE AND PERSONAL WITH PRINCESS CAGALLI OF ORB**

**By Ledonir Kisaka**

Princess Cagalli Yula Athha of ORB. Probably one of the coolest royals in the history of royals. After running away from home because her father told her she hadn't seen much of the world, she witnessed the theft of the four EA mobile suits, joined and financed a resistance group in Africa and joined the crew (almost) of the cursed black sheep – the Archangel. So how does she do it? Where does she get all that spunk – that rebellious nature? This writer had secured an interview with the fiery blond and this is what we've uncovered.

-

Kisaka: So, Princess…

Cagalli: (_bored look_) Yeah?

Kisaka: Where did you get that rebellious nature?

Cagalli: (_rolls eyes_) Haven't you heard of preambles? Anyway, I suppose I got that from my, (dry look) isn't it obvious? I got it from my Father because he was my only parent. I guess that rebellious streak manifested itself when I was six and saw a toy gun from my childhood playmate, Yuuna. I wanted it, but my Father wouldn't buy me one. So I punched Yuuna in the face and got the gun.

Kisaka: (_sweatdrops_) Well, that was… more than I asked for. Anyway, did the lack of a mother-figure resulted in you being boyish?

Cagalli: (_glares_) No. My being boyish resulted from having a male bodyguard (pointed look).

Kisaka: I must say your bodyguard taught you well.

Cagalli: (_dry look_) You bet he did.

Kisaka: The entertainment press is currently linking you to an unknown ZAFT soldier whom you rescued. Are any of the rumors true? About you giving him a lucky charm and all? (_evil look_)

Cagalli: (_blushes_) Where did you get that? Not a drop of it is true! (_stammers_) Y-you shouldn't believe everything you hear!

Kisaka: Oh? And what of those who _have_ seen? (_smug look_)

Cagalli: (_smugger look_) Well, they'll just have to be fired if they don't keep their mouths shut.

Kisaka: Shutting up. Tell us about your experiences in the desert.

Cagalli: What is there to tell? I got sprayed with yogurt and chili sauce and I almost got blasted to pieces numerous times. Same old stuff.

Kisaka: And being part (_almost_) of the cursed black sheep, the Archangel?

Cagalli: First of all, it's not cursed. Second…

(_Random military officer: Princess Cagalli! Colonel Kisaka! The Archangel is here!_)

Cagalli: What? Crap!

Kisaka: (_sighs_) I guess it's time to plan our funerals then?

-

And there you have it. An up-close and personal with none other than Princess Cagalli. One thing's for sure, with this lady's (?) violent and brash behavior, one should have his insurance secured when meeting with her.

**-**

**-**

**Editor-in-chief: **mumyou nanashi

**News Editor: **Ledonir Kisaka

**Feature Editor: **Erika Simmons

**Writers: **Shani Andras

Crot Buer

Asagi Caldwell

Juri Wu Nien

Mayura Labatt

**Regular Columnists: **Murrue Ramius

Yzak Joule


End file.
